The Fresh Air Fund...Good Stuff

I was recently emailed by a kind woman who turned me onto a program which looks wonderful. It's called The Fresh Air Fund. From their press release:

In 2008, The Fresh Air Fund's Volunteer Host Family Program, called Friendly Town, gave close to 5,000 New York City boys and girls, ages six to 18, free summer experiences in the country and the suburbs. Volunteer host families shared their friendship and homes for two weeks or more in 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.

They are in need of host families for this year. Please go visit their site and if you feel so inclined, and live in the designated region, please consider opening your heart and home to a child for a few weeks this summer.

Thanks!

Wellll....

I've always said I should get a government grant to study the obvious: breastfeeding's good for kids, sugar and fake sugar aren't. If your child has repeat ear infections, perhaps you might want to look at food allergies instead of antibiotics.

And now here's another Captain Obvious one. It appears that now it's true that having kids puts a strain on a relationship. Now we know that. Finally.

Geez.....


Here's the article in case it goes away:

livescience.com – Wed Apr 8, 3:20 pm ET

Parents all know that children make it harder to do some of the most enjoyable adult things. Bluntly put, kids can get between you.

Now scientists have attached some numbers to the situation.

An eight-year study of 218 couples found 90 percent experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction once the first child was born.

"Couples who do not have children also show diminished marital quality over time," says Scott Stanley, research professor of psychology at University of Denver. "However, having a baby accelerates the deterioration, especially seen during periods of adjustment right after the birth of a child."

An unrelated study in 2006 of 13,000 people found parents are more depressed than non-parents. Scientists speculate that the problem is partly a modern one, because parents don't get as much help at home as they did in previous generations.

There are key variables to note in the new study.

Couples who lived together before marriage experienced more problems after the birth of a child than those who lived separately before marriage, as did those whose parents fought or divorced.

However, some couples said their relationships were stronger post-birth. They tended to have been married longer or had higher incomes.

Children don't ruin everything, Stanley points out.

"There are different types of happiness in life and that while some luster may be off marital happiness for at least a time during this period of life, there is a whole dimension of family happiness and contentment based on the family that couples are building," he said. "This type of happiness can be powerful and positive but it has not been the focus of research."

The new research, funded by a grant to the University of Denver from the National Institutes of Health, is detailed in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

LiveScience Staff

LiveScience.com livescience Staff

Do You Care About Your Kid's Food? You Should!

Your future food depends on it. Not kidding. You think the price of food is high now? Do you like that your foods can be genetically modified and no one has to even TELL you about it, no labelling required? Do you care if you have food options? If these bills go through, we're totally screwed.

Last year I read this article in Vanity Fair about Monsanto's despicable practices of sueing small seed coops and family farmers for selling and planting GMO soybeans in violation of their patent. Even though they are innocent, Monsanto is going after them big time to, basically, put them out of business. It goes like this: if you plant their seeds even ONCE, you have to forever because of the possibility of cross contamination infringing upon their patent. I'm not sure if people know about this, but it's been brewing for a long time. Here is a short filmclip that sums up their intent to get control of the world's food supply by controlling the seeds. Their ethics are pretty clearly shown in their history. They used to make PCB's and Agent Orange and manipulated research of their toxicity. 'Nuff said.



It now appears that Representative Rosa L. DeLauro (D - CT) has sponsored Food Safety Modernization Act of 2009 HR875. The corresponding senate bill is S425. There are 39 big agribusiness co-sponsors of these bills. Monsanto, Cargill, Tyson are all in there. Rep. DeLauro's husband has Monsanto as a client. She received $180k in donations from agribusiness PAC's. She is also pals with Rahm Emanuel (white house chief of staff).

This bill will make organic farming obsolete by ordering the small farmers what to feed their animals, how to medically treat their animals, what toxic sprays to use on their farms. It would criminalize all aspects of organic vegetable farms by making them "sources of seed contamination." (of Monsanto's GMO seeds...tricksy, yes?). Farming would be industrialized and forced, by fines of up to $500,000, to comply with the law.



It appears we have about two weeks to make sure this doesn't happen. I truly believe in the power of the internet. Please spread the word and ACT!!!

From The Library of Congress, Thomas Collection

111th Congress, House of Representatives H.R.875
Food Safety Modernization Act of 2009
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:H.R.875:

111th Congress, U.S. Senate S425
The Food Safety and Tracking Improvement Act
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:S.425:

Your Elected Representatives

House of Representatives
http://www.house.gov

United States Senate
http://www.senate.gov

Call these folks and give them hell, tell them to have HR875 and S425 withdrawn from both floors of Congress Immediately.

(202)-224-3121

Holding Kids Back A Grade

My oldest grandson is five. He's bright. He's ready to read and does math exercises by himself all the time. He wants this, it's not being forced upon him.

He goes to a Waldorf school.

I understand the importance of developing slowly and surely. I understand laying the groundwork. But/and I have a difficult time when "rules" are applied across the board without giving consideration for the unique child at hand. This appears to be what's happening to him, at least to me.

The teacher has suggested he repeat kindergarten. She's a gentle soul. I know she wants only the best for these kids.

Her reasons: He is a male child and males develop six months behind girls. They want the kids to hit age 7 while in first grade and since his birthday is in August, he won't be 7. With these two considerations combined, she feels it's best that he stay another year.

My daughter listened and thought those good reasons. She asked my grandson and he thought it a good idea.

I thought it not a good idea.

I pointed out that give who he is and his learning readiness, he would be bored as time went on. I suggested that while I want to honor childrens' decisions about the trajectory of their lives, he could not grasp what the reality of him staying put while his classmates moved on would be. I reminded her that she and her sisters had all gotten disgusted with high school and that none of the three of them had finished it in the traditional way. Did she want to subject him to another year of school on the other end?

I am fully in support of not pushing kids who aren't ready to be pushed. But it's a balance.

Years ago, his mother's pre-school teachers all suggested I put her directly into first grade. I didn't care, didn't have an ego need for this for her. I could see she was more than ready and was listening to them, but as she was my first I was on new ground. I had a meeting with the principal, told him what I had been told. He decided I was operating from a pushing position and refused to do it. I watched his mother, my daughter, be the Teacher's aide her whole school career. I listened to her teachers in every grade school year tell me she should not be there, that she was so beyond where the other kids were.

I'm happy the school system got an aide and got paid to have her there. My daughter survived and has no long lasting pervasive psychological damage as a result of it :). Essentially it's not that big of a deal as, truthfully?...I think school important, but more for socialization. Most of the successful people I know didn't do all that well acdemically in school. Many of those who did aren't the most successful, happiest people (by far). I look at school as more social training than anything else, which is why grades were never an issue in our household. If and when a child wants to learn something, they will learn it.

After much discussion and pondering, my daughter has decided to not keep him back. I think that in the long run he will be happier. And we like it when he's happy.

image taken from here

Trusting Teens Part 2

You can read the background as to what touched this off here.

Why is it suddenly like there are more pedophiles today than before? If pedophiles weren't around in the 50's, 60's and 70's, then why were so many of my friends molested when they were younger? I know dozens of women (and a few men) who had their trust violated by family, parent's friends, priests, teachers.

I would like to suggest that it was even more dangerous before because it wasn't acknowledged so the kids had no protection..and how scary is that? If a child reported it, they were silenced, not believed, discounted...by doctors, priests, teachers, family members, even their mothers. You think that would happen now? Any licensed person who even suspects abuse reports it quick, fast and in a hurry. That wasn't the case when I was young.

Most molesting happens with people already known and trusted. Controlling your child's texting or online activity won't help that. Education, being present to your child and building self esteem will.

Yes, we now have the internet. But if your child is online doing stuff that's self destructive, it says to me there's something else going on there besides just being coerced into something. It says to me that they've either been so sheltered that they haven't a clue, haven't been educated as to their possible vulnerabilities, or have been so controlled they'll find any way to be independent...even if it's self destructive.

When a kid (or anyone, actually) gets into these situations, it says to me that they have lost the ability to discern when something feels "off." They aren't listening to their inner signals. But isn't that what we are trying to foster as parents..that inner voice that our children learn to trust and guide them through life?

Teens are going to make mistakes. We adults make plenty of 'em. Sometimes their mistakes will be big ones and we will wish we had controlled them more in the mistaken belief that somehow we could have prevented this or that.

But we can't. Life isn't like that and we don't live in cages. If my dad had known one quarter of what I'd done, he would have had many more heart attacks than he did. My (now in their 20's) kids have told me stuff they did that I'm so happy I never knew about. Like...traveling alone in Germany at age 17 and getting on the wrong train...which stopped in the middle of nowhere and she had to walk back to the station on the tracks. Or...at age 19 in China taking a 23 hour train trip alone to sightsee the wonders of that country...going out on the town with some rowdies and ending up in some hotel room at another point on that trip. Yup...it's a scary world out there. If I had known what they were doing beforehand I would have flipped out. These are some of their best, most exciting memories. They've built confidence inside my girls. I would never want to take that away from them.

Do we really want to? Do we want our children to live full, interesting, exciting lives or do we want them to be "safe?" Is life about always being small or is it to be lived BIG? They can walk out the door with all in place, cell phone monitored, good grades, we know exactly where they are while riding their bike to school...and a car hits them and they die. It happens.

We cannot control Life.

And in the meantime, it's about trust...in our kids, in their ability to be responsible to the best of their ability. And then we have to turn it over to....whatever: their angels, God, the process, fate, whatever....

From two of the wisest Teachers I've encountered (not the exact conversation, but the essence):

He: I promised Nemo that I would never let anything happen to him!!!

She: Well...that's kind of a funny thing to promise.

He: Why?

She: Well...if nothing ever happens to him, then nothing ever happens.

A Rant On Trusting Teens, Pt. 1

Thank heavens we live in a place where, unless they cause great harm to their kids, people get to parent any way they want to.

I sure wouldn't want anyone dictating to me how to raise my kids. At the same time, sometimes when I run into people who parent differently than I, I am appalled (as I'm sure they are with me).

I received this in my email box awhile back:

Hi,

If your kids have cell phones then you no doubt have heard the term "text messaging". Maybe you're child is one that racks up hundreds, if not thousands of text messages per month.

And chances are, you have NO IDEA what they are texting, and what others are texting back to them.....right?

Well, there are some very serious reasons for you as a parent, to discover what your teens are texting, who they are texting, and how you can protect them from danger, and themselves.

Here's a great guide designed specifically for parents, that will give you all the information you need (including a comprehensive list of all the texting codes) to learn about what your child is doing online and on their cell phones, and how you can monitor and protect them.

It is in your child's best interest for you to KNOW about the world of text messaging and online social networking. It's not always a safe and innocent world for our kids today, out there, and it's up to us, as parents, to ensure we are on top of, and educated about the activities of our children. Especially ones that consumes so much of their time and attention!

Visit today and learn more, I promise, you'll be glad you did.

I have a number of issues with this email which links to an infomercial site to buy this guy's book on how to protect your child from pedophiles.

First off- I'm blown away by the assumption that it's our right to invade the privacy of someone who is almost an adult. Could it be that it's parenting styles like this that are the result of people staying "younger" for so long? Is this why kids remain living at home for so much longer, put off getting jobs, driving, creating families? Are we making our kids too dependent by our micromanaging their lives?

How do children become trustworthy, responsible people if they are constantly given the message that they aren't? Especially when they haven't done anything wrong?

Every person on this planet is entitled to their privacy. Every one. Even a baby if they so desire. I have no right to intrude on my child's private conversations unless they are in big time self destruct mode. Instead of making them "wrong" and not worthy of being trusted, I preferred making sure my kids understood I considered them responsible, intelligent human beings. They were. This is not to say we didn't have rocky or scary times. Heck...being alive and a parent at any time is scary. But we need to manage our fears and not require our kids to shoulder the burden of them.

Would you rather have someone who can take care of themselves, someone who has a head on their shoulder to find their way through challenges through an inner sense of self esteem? Or would you rather contribute to someone who needs you there to tell them at every turn what's right and what's wrong?

Yes. I understand it's a bigbadscary world out there. We want to protect our kids. But do you really think the road we're taking of monitoring their very move will do that? Paaaleeze...if your child wants to do something, they'll do it. The more boundaries you put around them, the tricksier they'll become to find their way around you. And thank heavens they want their independence. Do we really want a generation of sheep?

more to come...

image from here

Update And Birth

Ha...well, so much for posting more regularly....

I guess I've had a difficult time with this blog over the last year because I'm not a full time parent any more. I was having a difficult time thinking of things to write because I'm not in the middle of it.

Lots has happened over the past year. My daughter gave birth to another son. Although we had not intended for me to be the midwife, he was going to be born at my house again because they lived so far out of town.

Good thing my daughter had moved in a few weeks before the due date. Her labor was very fast. Like..she woke me up at 5:30 am because he water had broken and she felt a few contractions. She went back to bed to rest. I got up to get things ready....started putting water in the portable birthing tup that had been set up in my dining room for weeks....getting all the supplies out and ready....went to the store for last minute breakfast items.

At 7, she decided she should eat something as it might be awhile. She was having irregular contractions, lasting no more than a minute, with 5-8 minutes in between, talking through some of them, recovering right after.

At about 7:20 she vomited....hm...says I...call to hubby at old house, call to midwife to arrive. But she was still talking and having mild contractions so not to worry....'

Until about 7:23 when she did a slight "eeh" in pain, holding herself against the wall and breathing deeply.

Hm, says I...

...call hubby and midwife to tell them to amp it up...even though she really wasn't doing much...I just had one of those old fashioned midwify intuitive feelings.

Good thing....

Hubby made it, she started making pushing noises. Midwife arrived when baby's head was out.

Upshot is- Jaymin was born and placenta was out by 8am.

I hate her. Just. Not. Fair. And I've told her this numerous times, cuz I'm just that much of a brat. She sticks her tongue out at me every time.

Both were healthy and happy, although they had an adventure when Jaymin was two weeks old, which I'll rant about soon. And although I wished and hoped to be able to just watch and be a Nona, I also feel really blessed I got to catch both of my grandsons.

He's six months old now, turning from front to back and back again...fat and happy with little squishy biscuit feet. Quite cute, if I say so myself.

Jaymin would be the one inside the belly. The photo was taken by an old family friend, Govinda. Go check out her stuff here cuz she's good.

Long Time No Tap

It's been a very way long time.

I have two other blogs where I regularly write, and I kinda lost interest for awhile here.

But a funny thing has happened...

This is the blog that I've gotten requests for advertising. These are the types of articles that have risen to the top of portals where I've registered.

I hear there is a mini baby boom going on...a "boomlette."

So maybe there are more folks out there than before looking for other voices and perspectives on parenting, grandmothering and family life than most of what's out there.

I do have a different look on parenting.

I'm thinking I'll pick up writing again.

Migraines And The Magic Man

Since my teens, I've always been intrigued with alternative holistic healthcare. I got trained as a massage therapist at age 19, took herbs, became a vegetarian. I started studying midwifery at age 23 and learned about all sorts of alternative modalities. I will use an allopath, and think they are vital for things such as broken bones, infections, emergency treatments. But for day to day stuff, cumulative prophylactic stuff, I avoid them.

My kids hardly ever went to allopathic doctors growing up. Because I was new at being a parent and didn't know any better, my oldest daughter started to get the routine physicals, but that didn't last long. My younger two kids didn't even see MD's except if I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Or if I deemed they needed a perscription. They never had antibiotics until they were in their teens. If they got colds, it was herbs, and remedies. They lived. If my kids had something I couldn't figure out how to treat or if I wanted help, I took them to acupuncturists, chiropractors and naturopaths.

Cass, my youngest, however, developed a bad allergy to dairy. She also started to get really bad headaches. As I had no reference for them, and one was particularly strong, I got scared about an aneurysm or tumor so took her into a MD. She got all sorts of tests and had an MRI to rule out my concerns. They convinced me to put her on antibiotics to clear her sinuses (that had been plugged beyondbeyond from the allergy). But the headaches persisted intermittently through early high school.

I had been going to a chiropractor who practices by using Applied Kinesiology. He not only muscle tests the organs, joints, ligaments, muscles and bones to see what's involved in a particular complaint, but then also tests to find out exactly HOW it's out of whack. The adjustments vary depending on what's wrong. For instance, instead of just adjusting C4 the same way all the time, he would change the maneuver depending on if it was out to the right, the left, pushed in, sticking out, etc.

Whereas other chiropractors will take months of adjusments with varying degress of success in treatment, I only have to go to him a few times and I'm fixed. Once I did a major rib/spine thing while boating but couldn't get to him for months after. After I finally limped in, I was completely healed within about five sessions, free of pain after the first.

He is a Magic Man.

So I decided to take Cass to him for the headaches. He muscle tested this and that, did a few things here and there, then announced that it was her ileocecal valve (the valve between the small and large intestines) that needed adjustment. He did it. She had no more headaches.

I'm telling you this man is magic.

So...time rolls on. It's now five or so years later. Cass would have a headache from time to time that incapacitated her, making her vomit and putting her out of commission for awhile. But they were few and far between. Then about eight months ago, they increased in frequency. Then about March, they increased to the point of about once every two weeks. I kinda spaced the Magic Man. Then by May, it was every four days or so. I finally remembered.

About three weeks ago, I sent her to Magic Man. She went for one session and got the ileocecal valve and some stuff in her neck adjusted. Then a week later, she went for a followup so he was sure it had stuck. She hasn't had an inkling of a headache since then.

I'll say it one more time: this man is magic.

I appreciate allopathy, but not for stuff like this. If I was to tell an allopathic physician that a man adjusted my daughter's ileocecal valve to fix a migraine, he would have laughed at the hocus pocus voodoo beliefs I have. There is a good chance it would be ignored and shrugged off as anecdotally insignificant. It may be, but I find it very interesting that it worked twice in her life. I also find it interesting that in both the Chinese and Aryuvedic systems of healing, when a headache presents, they work on the digestive system for treatment. And...Cass also reports that the first sign of her headaches is a stomach ache. When she gets them she knows to not eat because she will just end up throwing up.

Why isn't this significant to allopathy? Watching her when she's in the middle of one of those headaches and hearing the way migraines affect lives, I can't believe that someone wouldn't at least try to find an Applied Kinesiology practitioner who could help them for so little money and time investment.

Wikipedia says it's a "pseudoscience," and says that chiropractors are not supposed to offer Applied Kinesiology. I hate that stuff. It amuses me no end that I watch TV and see endless commercials of drugs that have deadly side effects, but try and do something that is not harmful at all and everyone's up in arms. Because of this attitude, I will continue to use allopaths for things mentioned above. I'm glad they're around for what they're good for. In fact, they were crucial to saving my middle daughter's life because of an emergency she was in. But if I or anyone who asks my opinion, has a problem that's not of an acute nature or needs one of their prescriptions, I will continue to avoid the allopathic medical community like the plague.

Images:

Migraine from here

Muscle Testing from here

So Sad

A man I used to date called last night. He and I had a very short relationship about 10 years ago. We didn't stay together nearly as long as his kids and I did.

When we met, I felt a connection one of his older daughters. She ended up pregnant and in an unhappy relationship. Her apartment wasn't that far from my home. As she was miserable, I invited her and her baby to live with me. They stayed for about six months. Then her younger sister started hanging out lots at our house, befriending my youngest daughter, even though they were a few years apart. She ended up spending lots of time with us, too, although never fully moving in. Both girls ended up ultimately using me, but, truth is, I knew this was a possibility before taking them into my family and heart. People who have no inner structure have nothing to share outside them.

One of the reasons I tried to be there for the kids was because I could see they were all lost souls due to really sad, neglectful parenting on both parents' parts. The Dad is an alcoholic, the Mom an ex drug addict and now born again Christian. Neither had the skills to parent or give the message to their kids that they were unconditionally loved.

The man and I hadn't talked in over a year so we had lots of catching up to do. My kids are doing great- all are happy and on their way. None of his are thriving, only one will have much of anything to do with him. The eldest that lived with me is probably doing the best in life, but won't talk to him. The son is not doing too well. Sad Dad's remark?: "well, Pamm, you sure did something right because you've always had great kids, they still want to talk to you and are doing well."

People say that to me lots. I have always deflected, truly believing that I can't take credit for how great they are, that all I did was get out of the way.

I do know this- Kids are tremendously forgiving. But they need to feel unconditionally loved. Not 24/7, but ultimately they have to be shown there is someone there to support them no matter what. Not only when they're little, but also in high school and when they're grown. Someone, somewhere on the planet has to have their back so they feel internally safe.

I feel so blessed mine have that. He was so very sad about what he has unconsciously created. I would hate to have to live with myself in that way. Tragic. I talk about this lots because it's so very very important, the key, I think, to growing healthy kids.

image from here

Deliver Us From Evil

It must be a sign of the times in Hollywood that I can't find too many good films to watch when I go to the video store. I end up getting odd documentaries on Religion and kids. The last one was about Jesus Camp, this round it was a film about the Roman Catholic Church pedophilia crisis. The film is called "Deliver Us From Evil."

I was raised a Catholic, went to Catholic school until fourth grade. Until the age if eight or so, I was sure I was going to be a nun. Although I left the Church in my teens, I have no animosity toward it. In fact, I appreciate that I grew up one as in the 60's it was the only religion in the Midwest that I knew of that had a highly developed ritual component and some recognition of the feminine in it.

Sexuality and Spirituality are the two topics I spend most of my mind pondering. Where and how the two interesect are my greatest areas of interest and academic study. My BA is in Religious Studies and I have lots of training in wholistic approaches to Sexuality. While the issue pushes my buttons, I also have a great deal of compassion for those who are sexually attracted to children. I understand that sexual fantasies can be violent, dark, and go places that society would deem deviant, bad, evil, etc. I also understand that most humans get these urges in one way or another. Feelings and thoughts are very difficult things to control. They come unbidden and oftentimes are unwanted. They can produce shame and guilt, sometimes torturing the individual as they try to find internal balance between the person they want to be and these dark thoughts.

We can't always control out thoughts. But we can control our actions. This is the line I wish to draw in this issue. It's not that I want priests to eternally burn in hell for their urges. I just want them to stop molesting children. And I want the Church to admit that they handled this incorrectly, to apologize to the people who's lives have been ruined by being abandoned by their Spiritual Teachers and the institution they support emotionally and financially.

I knew this was big, I had read articles here and there, been appalled, made my jokes about it, felt my anger, all that stuff. But it always hits home harder when you see the faces, hear their stories, listen to their cries of anguish at loosing trust in humanity and God. Things in particular that were new to me:

-The pope, when he was Cardinal Ratzinger was the highest official in charge of this issue. At the end of the day, he is responsible for the way the Church is treating the abused kids and their families. This is the peer the Cardinals chose to be the leader, the Line from St. Peter, the highest authority. The man who abandoned the most helpless of his "flock." And the crime was not only that of sexual predation, it's compounded by the role of the perpetrator. If a priest is the messenger and holder of the Faith here on Earth, holding a position of God to a child, this child then gets to try and heal, as best they can, that they were raped by God.

- That the Church strikes deals with the priests and financially supports them after they get out of jail. It works deals with DA's so that sentences are reduced, then when the offender is out of jail, takes no responsibility for the community that the felon is released into. The one priest showcased in the film, Oliver O' Grady, only spent seven years in prison, then was released into a community filled with children in Ireland. No authorities were notified of his conviction and prison stay. I found this appalling.

- That in California alone, there are over 650 of these cases being investigated and tried. Estimates are that only 20% of all victims report this form of abuse. One seminary had 10% of its graduating priests arrested as pedophiles. O'Grady is thought to have abused hundreds of children, some as young as under one year old. It's often difficult to guage what's going on inside someone just by their outward demeanor, especially when they are being filmed. But I sensed very little true remorse in the man....or even a real understanding of gravity of what he had done. There were times when they showed him writing letters of apology to the children. The majority of the letters were about him. His experience, where he was today, how he felt.

-Not only the children, but whole families were emotionally annhilated. Imagine a father's anguish, hearing that the priest who he and his wife had taken into their family, treated him as one of their own--a man of God in a Church he trusted. Then to find out that this trust had been so terribly violated by harming the person that they were sworn to protect. And then discover that the reason your daughter didn't tell you is because you said you would kill anyone who harmed her, and her friend told her that if someone kills someone they have to go to jail for life. I cannot imaging the pain.

I would imagine that there's really very little I can share here that is new on this. But I want to add my voice to others who wonder how it is that a church heirarchy that assigns itself the right to dictate the sex lives of literally millions of consenting adults, cannot tend to its employees/ representatives do behind closed doors. Things happen. I don't hear the abused people wanting anything more than an acknowledgement of what happened, help paying for their therapy, and, most important, the knowledge that practices and policies that allow this to continue will stop. I get that above all, they want to ensure that future children can be allowed to practice their faith and pray to their God safely and without the fear that they will be raped.

Pictures:

movie poster from here

Oliver O'Grady free to roam the streets in Ireland from here

Monsignor Cain, O'Grady, Cardinal Mahoney combined still from depositions from here .

In his deposition, Monsignor Cain said that one of the reasons that Grady was not more closely watched at first was because his first reported abuse was with a girl. That wasn't considered perverse enough to warrant action.

Family Eats

I became a vegetarian at age 17 then married a meat eater. I was also into holistic stuff when we got together, very tuned into nutrition and all that stuff from my midwifery. As the years went on, I got kind of obnoxious about the kids' diets. They hardly ever got sugar. They only had 100% real juice in their school lunchs, homemade fruit rolls made with honey for dessert, whole wheat bread only, carrot sticks. They ate real foods, pretty devoid of chemicals, additives, dyes and crap.

They didn't really complain (much) at first. I would feed them all sorts of complex vegetarian culinary masterpieces. I learned over time that kids prefer simple foods.

As time went on and they were increasingly introduced to the world outside our family, the arguments began. It got to the point that the only real tension we had was around sugar and junk food consumption. It occurred to me that I was setting up an unconscious pattern with food for them that had the potential to affect their lives. Good job, Mom. I decided it was time to stop.

One Saturday I took the plunge and got them donuts. Once they scraped their chins off the floor in astonishment, they were ecstatic. All donuts were devoured. Quickly.

I started to cook more meat for all of them and actually got pretty good at chicken dishes. It got weird having to always cook two meals- one for me and one for the rest of the family. It didn't take too long to figure out that we could all do the same side dishes, but then I would cook one protein for me, one more meat based for the rest of the crew for all to be happyhappy.

As time went on and I discovered and experimented with all the various theories of eating out there, it got confusing. I couldn't do the macrobiotic thing. Didn't appeal and I like raw fruit. Then there's the whole food combining thing. I followed this carefully as part of my weight loss when I shed 75 pounds. I discovered I have food allergies to wheat and corn. We learned about the blood type diet. Pretty soon it became a thing of...well....can't eat this food from this plan here, but it's supposed to be the thing that works over here. Too much work. And way beyond limiting. I mean...about the only thing left is salmon, kale and apples. And while those foods make up a large part of my diet today, I do want and like variety.

These days we can all sit down and all eat the same meal. I now eat fish. I've experimented with meat and am not into it. We all prefer whole foods, preferably organic. We all appreciate healthy eating. It simply tastes better. I'm sorry but a can of peaches does not taste like a tree ripened peach in season. Morgan and I avoid wheat, but aren''t completely neurotic about it (only slightly). All eat some sugar in moderation. We all shop at our local farmer's market for the bulk of our produce..not only for freshness, but the pricing can't be beat.

We're always so surprised that people think junk food tastes better than healthy food. I don't get it. What I do know is that taste buds numb out. That if you feed yourself crap, taste buds get used to crap. But once you let the crap go, it tastes like crap. Occasionally when we travel we are subjected to bad food that others are happily devouring. We all shiver. My kids eat hamburgers, they do go to fast food from time to time. But those times are few and far between and they immediately want real food after.

I'm happy that our culture is finally waking up to the importance of being conscious about what we put in our mouths. It's a pity that we had to get so morbidly obese and unhealthy to decide to start down that road, but better late than never.

In our case, yes I went a little overboard for awhile there and I think it important to be balanced now. Better to not instill a feeling of rebellion and lack so that bad eating becomes the statement for independence. What's always so fun to me is asking my three year old grandson what he wants to drink. Ninety percent of the time it's water, even when offered juice. He's always telling me water is his all time favorite. He pushed for it even back east when well meaning family who kept pushing because they couldn't believe he didn't want a soda. He just kept asking for water, no soda. In this day and age, I consider that a miracle.

I mean...wow...does't this just look better than packaged, unrecognizeable crap? I really don't get it why people think eating healthy=no taste.

Candy junkfood from here
Pizza, hamburgers, etc. from here
Stirfry from here
Real, healthy food from here

Family Dynamics

I suppose every family has their version of them. When Morgan was born, she and Starla got along well, or at least tolerably well. That is until Morgan woke up around age seven or so and stopped doing what Starla wanted her to. The antagonism between Morgan and Cass started when Cass was one day old. Morgan sweetly sat on the couch all propped so she would be able to safely hold Cass. The minute Cass hit Morgan's lap she started to scream. That's pretty much explains what it's been since then. Morgan bugs Cass.

It's so funny....if Morgan and Starla are together, everyone is fine. If Starla and Cass are together, everyone is fine. If all four of us are together, we immediately revert into this weird sort of charicature of our worst, most dysfunctional traits. What is THAT all about?

It helps that Morgan and Cass only see each other twice a year or so now. It can actually go a few days before they twitch out and we all start the pattern, which looks like this:

Morgan is Emotional DramaQueen, emoting and flipping out in contrast to

Cass as Miss Cool, Detached, Disgusted, Aloof, Brat

Starla is uninvolved "Oh, no, here we go again, can't you guys get it together?"

And I'm "Let's be butterflies and why can't we just be a happy family" sort of care-taker and trying to always soothe feathers.

On one outing (in which, I might add I was footing the bill for a very expensive family adventure) we stopped in the middle of it and talked about it. It helped a little in that the adventure wasn't totally dismal, but it was sad that we had to go into our archetypal dramas. Sigh.

I do really think the patterns is changing, if last Christmas is any indicator. Morgan and Cass did fight, but they never did it around me and they reported it in very even tones. They were able to get past it the two times they did fight, actually be at the same table for a friendly meal, without seething....or they did Oscar level performances and I didn't notice. No one ran into a bedroom, slamming the door. No one yelled at me for taking sides (because they both would accuse me of taking sides simultaneously, go figure.) I've even heard that Cass included Morgan as a friend on her MySpace page. So...who knows what the future will bring.

I heard this happened, I never believed it would here so now I am truly a believer in the power of patience and trusting that all will be well.

Beheaded sibling from here
Sparkly Rainbow from here

Commercial Breaktime!!

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Support Your Local Midwife

Since I used to be one, I know what the life is like. And although a good midwife will never tell you what she goes through, I feel I have the right to do so to remind us all that everyone needs recognition from time to time. These women really do.

Midwives do what they do because they love it and are committed on a very deep level. It's a calling. It has to be because the life is so intense that there has to be some compelling reason to put yourself through all that you do to be of service to the families.

Imagine, if you will, the responsibility of knowing that lives are in your hands. That even if you do everything "right" that you have no control over the events of a birth and the "karma" (if you will) of a family. Since midwives, obviously, care about Life, to have something go "wrong" even when they know they've done their best, just about puts many a midwife over the edge. It's a huge stress. That stress NEVER goes away.

If they live in a state that prosecutes midwives for doing home deliveries, a midwife also has this added stress constantly in the back of her mind. She knows that as well meaning as the families are, unless they are pregnant or planning to become so soon, homebirth becomes less important a political issue to devote time to. People get busy with their families. For the most part, she will be alone in her battles.

Midwives are on call 24/7 (unless they have partners....which they need to stay sane, but don't always have that luxury). They can never count on simple things such as a night's sleep, being with their families at Christmas, birthdays, special times. If their kid is sick, they may miss this. If their kid is in a school play,they miss it. Basically, when a mother is a midwife, all the other families have to become more important than hers. When a mother is a midwife, her whole family is involved in birthing whether they want it or not. This is stressful for her family. When she's home she needs to focus on them.

Because midwives have a closer, more caring practice, families sometimes forget boundaries and a midwife's personal time. I used to get frivolous calls at all times of the day and night. For instance, someone once called me at 5:30 am after I had been up all night at a birth to ask me what time the Natural Food Store opened. I suggested she call them as I had no idea. I knew she meant well in all she intended, but I think it prudent to mention to the general public that if you have forty to fifty (or more) families under your care, that each needs to be cognizant of the fact that a midwive needs space to recharge her batteries so she has energy to give. Please think before you call.

A touchy subject: ...but please....pay your midwife the fee you agreed to. She puts in copious hours for you, puts her heart and soul into taking care of you, your child and your birth. It's expensive buying equipment, expensive for her to find good childcare for her kids when you have a birth. She probably charges a fraction of what any OB would, and puts in many more hours. She feels blessed to have been invited to your birth, but is invited because she brings skills and experience that you need. She needs the security of having her personal bills covered so that her energy doesn't have to focus there. We no longer live in a society where the village took care of its healers....she needs money to do that...and until your good intentions can pay her rent, please...just pay her in a timely fashion so she doesn't have to stress about it.

Finally...do not see her as God. You are the Goddess giving birth. She does not deliver your baby...you deliver your baby. She is coming to assist you because she believes in you and your ability to give birth normally and naturally. She is there because at this point in her life, she can think of no better place to be, has nothing she feels is more important than babies being born in emotionally and physically healthy ways. She will always do her best, but ultimately, this is your birth. Do NOT give your power away. Do not let go of responsibility over your body...she doesn't want it. She wants to empower YOU and your family. Let her do this. Please receive this--her greatest gift.

Image of woman giving birth from here

Squatting woman giving birth from here

Don't You Love It When

....the daughter who, three years ago, was telling you she is entitled to:

A cell phone with unlimited texting and minutes

A computer with scanner/copier and all the CD's she wants to burn

An MP3 player

A car of her choice

All the clothes she wants

...is now a politically active, culturally aware almost twenty year old who is paring down to live a simple life? No more car. Simple cell phone plan. Buys organic. Reads politically leftist subversive books. Takes a stand on gender, peace, cultural, racist issues.

Wow.

Trust me, if this conversion can happen anything is possible. Just another miracle we get to observe as we watch them transform and transmute.

Rainbow picture taken from here

Angel from here

Who's In Control??

I know that we, as parents, have to assume a position of authority. Our kids like to have the security of feeling that someone is in control. I have been blessed with kids who had their moments of challenge, but none of my kids has never gone off the deep end. None of them got so unruly or disrespectful that they got lost and out of control.

The experts might look at this and say that it was because of the way I disciplined them. Could be. I have my opinions about how to get kids to the point where they listen, especially when young (talked about here). It could be that by raising them the way I did, that they learned how to behave, got a sense of themselves, and didn't act out too much. But those same "experts" wouldn't agree with my parenting style...in fact the way I parented was quite contrary to most of what they suggest to parents to avoid the behavior they are trying to prevent.

After watching lots of kids and parents, I do notice certain styles that tend to result in more beneficial parent/kid relationships. But in the end, I have to say, that nothing that I've seen predetermines where a kid will end up. After watching kids and how their parents handled them, I discovered a secret. Now...even though I figured this out pretty early on, I never let on to my kids until they were much older. Why crack the illusion and make things harder for everyone? I think it vital to continue the status quo mindset.

SSSsssssssh.....be sure not to tell them...but....it's really the kids that are in control.

Why do I say that? Because we, as parents, can decide to punish. We can have time outs, spankings, talkings to, groundings, taking away priveleges, the whole thing. But if the kid doesn't decide to obey, doesn't decide that the consequences are enough to stop what they're going, it means nada. Ask any parent who's kid is out of control.

Scary isn't it?

Image from here

This post was featured in the Carnival Of Family Life

Scariest Movie I've Ever Seen

If done tastefully and with some sort of deeper thinking involved, I love a good scary movie from time to time. "Jurassic Park" made me think about science. "28 Days Later" was an amazing film. I love the old Hitchcock thrillers.

This movie, however, was, by far, the most frightening movie I have ever seen.

I fancy myself an extremely respectful person in regards to people's choices about their religion and spiritual paths. In fact, spirituality is such an important subject to me that I got my BA in Religious Studies. Even though none of these are my personal spiritual path, I have respect for Muslims, Pagans, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Voudoins, Wiccans. My basic motto with religious choice is: "The flowers on the petal are many, but the flower is one."

From the movie's homepage:

"A growing number of Evangelical Christians believe there is a revival underway in America that requires Christian youth to assume leadership roles in advocating the cause of their religious movement.

"Jesus Camp" follows a group of young children to Pastor Becky Fischer's "Kids on Fire Summer Camp," where kids are taught to become dedicated Christian soldiers in God's army and are schooled in how to take back America for Christ. The film is a first-ever look into an intense training that recruits born again Christian children to become an active part of America's political future."

Although I couldn't find a picture of it, the first thing that froze me in my seat, took my breath away was the opening scene. It was of a "recruiting" introductory workshop. The scene was of a bunch of kids dressed like an army, twirling these baton things and marching/dancing to a song for Jesus.

The second huge red flag went up when Becky said something to the effect of: "Look at the Muslims. They train their kids starting when they are really small to be willing to die for Allah. I want to create kids that are willing to die for Jesus."

Becky is very clear about and honest with her intent to brainwash these kids. She uses tried and true, "scientifically proven" techniques to do so, taking them step by step to her cause. She justifies it by saying that all kids are brainwashed and why shouldn't she (with the god's and the parent's consent, of course) brainwash them this way?

Third terror alert (code red) amidst many mini previous ones as we followed a number of kids home then to camp? When the kids finally get there, their first session reminded me of watching footing from Hitler's Germany. The whole thing (or what was presented on film, anyway) was to instill in the kids how "bad" they are, how sinful. Kids..little kids were crying, sobbing in shame, many of them with their heads in their arms, not willing to be seen. Yup, break their psyches down with pain and shame, then give them a way out through you. I kept wondering if Becky trained by the CIA. She's that good at what she does.

These kids are committed. They feel they are messengers for God, here to spread his word, given a mandate because God brought them George Bush and it's time for them to step up to the plate and do "their part." I laughed at one scene. One young girl, who kind of struck me as a bit unbalanced, tried to convert someone at a bowling alley. The woman actually listened to her. I would have politely told her that I was not interested as I always do with any sales person. Just because it's a kid doesn't mean I have to reinforce rude behavior trying to sell me something so personal and which I neither asked for nor want. I don't accept phone solicitations or door to door sales people...so why would I listen?

Throughout the whole thing, I kept wondering what would happen if the Christian right found out about a camp for Gay kids. I wondered what would happen to a Pagan kid camp. Would they stand outside the camp and try to shut it down? Would they file complaints?

On their way back home after their training, they got to stop at one of their personal Christian rock star's church. It was, obviously, filmed before Mr. Haggard's publicity "challenge."

Let me state catagorically that I feel terribly for the man. We all learn our lessons in life and I feel incredibly sorry for anyone that has to have that level of hypocrisy shoved in their faces and go through the anguish I can imagine he went through. For me, though, their adventure with him was such a metaphor for all that I heard throughout the film: God gave us GW Bush; there is no such thing as Global Warming..it's just a plot by the liberals to shift the issue off abortion; there is no such thing as evolution; the Bible is THE word of God (like he dictated it directly to the printing house). I can find no truth in any of those statements or in what Ted Haggard projected himself to be. It's utterly fascinating to me to try and understand why people hold onto things that from my perspective are so clearly untrue....and that they hold so tenaciously, struggle and grasp, even when faced with that which they have been clinging to has been proven false.
Ecstatic spiritual experience is an amazing feeling. I know. Kids are so open to all of those kinds of emotions, have very few walls once they have been convinced of the rightness of their cause. They have very little interference with past history and a possess a truly trusting nature. My observation has been that when kids are subjected to this kind of treatment when young, they do one of two things. They stay there or they start to wake up, take notice of a few of the hypocrisies, feel lied to and rebel. As I watched these kids, I was fascinated, wondering where they would be in ten or fifteen years.

I support the right to religious freedoms. But that doesn't mean I don't see some that frighten me and make me so happy to be who I am. One of the things that I really appreciated about the film is that they had other Christians critiquing this movement. Along side the story line of the camp, they had a critical Christian radio personality who was airing a show that they would go back to a number of times during the movie. Any critique that will be effective and heard needs to come from within Christianity itself. If not, it will only be dismissed.

Because, you see, they really won't listen to someone like me.

My God doesn't want or need an army, especially one of children.

He doesn't feel the need to shame and instill fear into little children so they follow him. He's more confident of himself than that.

My God's about Love.

Images from the movie taken from here , here, and here

You can read more of a synopsis of the movie here

again, the movie's website is here

read disucssion about the film at Indiewire.com

Carnivals

There are a couple of Carnivals I submitted to this last week and got published in...eeeahhhaaaa!!!....

The first is the Carnival of Family Life for which I submitted my article on Teens and Sex. It's being hosted by a wonderful woman named Janie over at Colloquium.

The other articles submitted are:

Jack Yoest of Yoest.com presents Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery.
Cory Aldrich of Marriage Actually presents Holiday Negotiations.
mom&dad of raising4boys.com present How Not to Coach a Kids’ Soccer Team.
Kerri of Play Library presents Dangerous Pool Toys.
Jordan of MamaBlogga presents Five Things Moms Do Right
Laura Young of Dragon Slayer's Guide to Life presents When Your Old Self and New Self are out of Sync: Social Drag.
Karen Flores of Karen Flores presents By the word of their testimony - More Read Alouds
Jenny-Up the Hill of Up the Hill Gang presents Up the Hill Gang: 10 Days.
Holly Schwendiman of Holly's Corner Blog presents We Made It!.
Silicon Valley Blogger of The Digerati Life presents Sounding Off On How Much Mom’s Job Should Pay.
Mama Duck of Lil Duck Duck presents Messy party ideas - part 3.
Kevin of More4Kids Parenting presents Parenting Tip of the Day: Avoid Punishing When Angry. Super Saver of My Wealth Builder presents Investing for Our Daughter.
Erica Douglas of LittleMummy.com presents Parenting: Micro-Management v. Complete Delegation.
Lill Hawkins of News from Hawkhill Acres presents Singing in My Sleep.
Sara of fiveberries in Texas presents On Potty Training.
Dana of Principled Discovery presents Homeschooling With a New Baby.
Sherrie McCarthy of Confessions of a Wandering Gypsy Princess presents Pumpkin Butt is Driving Me Crazy.
Dana of Southern Gal Goes North presents Unruly Children=Bad Parenting?.
Riley of All Rileyed Up presents The Latest in Hair Trends.
muse of me-ander presents Nice Day, Nice Pictures.
Therapy Doc at Everyone Needs Therapy presents Commencement.
Sara of Suburban Oblivion presents One of Those Real (Bad) Mom Days.
Whymommy of Toddler Planet presents A Peace-Loving Home.
Karen of Write from Karen presents Doing the Shuffle.
Csara of Baby Talkers presents Sharing.
Hueina Sue of Echoes of Cold Moon presents In Praise of Green Beans.
Christine of Everyday Disasters presents Physics and the School Play.
Shera of There's A Frog In My Soup . . . and other mixed blessings! presents Brother for Sale.
Julee of Homeschool Daze presents I'm Serious.
Chris Wondra of Chris Wondra.com presents What to do when your child is being teased.
Jennifer of Toddler Tactics presents Let the Battles Begin.
Mommy the Maid of Mommy the Maid presents Yesterday she turned two.
Summer of Wired for Noise presents Poop.Suzanne of Adventures in Daily Living presents Things I Need to Remember.
Kate of Babylune presents Unassisted Childbirth Considered More Normal.
Megan Bayliss of Imaginif. . . presents Saying No Takes Practice: Play Idea to Help Kids Say No. Kailani of An Island Life presents The Happiest Place on Earth?
Pamm of We Survived the Teens presents Teens and Sex.
Stephen Ward of Project Paradox presents Kids Say the Darnedest Things.
Vicky of Little Legends Blog presents At what age do you let your children go out on their own?Leisa of Down with the Kids presents A Humour Milestone?
Carol of Can't Holder Tongue presents Bathtub Advice.
Kristen of Love Shak, Baby presents Going Out To Eat With The Kids: Where Do You Go?
Arun of Arun is Bringing You . . . Your Daily Remedy presents The Art of Forgetting.
Michelle Sweeney of Tonic Gifts presents The meanest mother in the world.
Christine of Are We There Yet Mom? presents Summer Safety and the Unthinkable!
Nathania Johnson of The SEM Zone presents I'm a Proud SEO Mom.
Jonathan Pippenger of Growing Up with the Kids presents Dad Logic vs. Daughter Emotion: Round 1.
Madeleine Begun Kane of Mad Kane's Humor Blog presents No Sweat Divorce.
The Expatriate Chef of The Expatriate's Kitchen presents I Know She'll Like it — Someday.
Maureen of Trinity Prep School presents Peak Experience of the Week.
Ben Cotten of Ben's Soap Box presents My Apologies to Golden China for the Spider Monkeys.

I'm enjoying the discovery of new ideas and places to find a few laughs and encourage you to check all or some of them out!!

___________________________


The other was the Carnival of Observations On Life, hosted this time by Anja Merret at Chatting To My Generation.

I want to thank Anja for being kind and including me as I think I may have misunderstood the intent of this Carnival..I thought it was supposed to be on humorous stuff so sent in my posts about Moth Genocide....blush.

Brandon Peele presents An Open Letter to My Parents posted at GT.
Conan Stevens presents Stupid Things We Did As Beginner Bodybuilders posted at Tall Muscle Actor Blog.
Conan Stevens presents Kindergarten Child Arrested And Charged With Felony posted at Thinking About Life.
Conan Stevens presents Acting Is High Pay But Don?t Try To Live Like A Movie Star posted at Actors And Acting Informational Blog.
Allan Wallace presents Teachers and Students - Method Works For Some, Destroys Others posted at - The BFU Journal -documenting the creation of a new type of college.
Madeleine Begun Kane presents No Sweat Divorce posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.
Rickey Henderson presents Rickey’s Weekend Running Diary (Of Doom) posted at Riding with Rickey.
Kennubo presents Fat monster, a date with a cute girl and free lunch posted at Ken Nubo — Your daily source of rambling.
karl staib presents Perspectivism posted at Karl Staib.
Shamelle presents 6 ‘American Idol Ways’ To Enhance Your Blogging posted at Enhance Life.
Debra Moorhead presents What Gardening Has Taught Me About Life posted at Debra Moorhead.com.
Samir presents How to anti-crash a wedding in 5 easy steps - a case study posted at SamirBharadwaj.com.
Ellesse presents Inspirational Stories I : Wilma Rudolph, An Olympic Wonder posted at Goal Setting College.
Jeremy Reeves presents Being Weird Is a Good Thing posted at The Road To A Perfect Life.
Pamm presents The Thing About Organic Food Is….. posted at We Survived The Teens.
therapydoc presents Commencement posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Alvaro Fernandez presents Lifelong Learning and New Neurons in Adults posted at Brain Fitness.
Daniel Brenton presents Destiny’s Calling, and it’s Getting a Busy Signal posted at The Meaning of Existence (and all that): The Odd Little Universe of Daniel Brenton.
Ankesh Kothari presents Easy Trick to Achieve All Your Goals posted at How To Grow Your Blog Traffic.
Phil presents The Size of Money « Phil for Humanity posted at Phil for Humanity.