Update And Birth

Ha...well, so much for posting more regularly....

I guess I've had a difficult time with this blog over the last year because I'm not a full time parent any more. I was having a difficult time thinking of things to write because I'm not in the middle of it.

Lots has happened over the past year. My daughter gave birth to another son. Although we had not intended for me to be the midwife, he was going to be born at my house again because they lived so far out of town.

Good thing my daughter had moved in a few weeks before the due date. Her labor was very fast. Like..she woke me up at 5:30 am because he water had broken and she felt a few contractions. She went back to bed to rest. I got up to get things ready....started putting water in the portable birthing tup that had been set up in my dining room for weeks....getting all the supplies out and ready....went to the store for last minute breakfast items.

At 7, she decided she should eat something as it might be awhile. She was having irregular contractions, lasting no more than a minute, with 5-8 minutes in between, talking through some of them, recovering right after.

At about 7:20 she vomited....hm...says I...call to hubby at old house, call to midwife to arrive. But she was still talking and having mild contractions so not to worry....'

Until about 7:23 when she did a slight "eeh" in pain, holding herself against the wall and breathing deeply.

Hm, says I...

...call hubby and midwife to tell them to amp it up...even though she really wasn't doing much...I just had one of those old fashioned midwify intuitive feelings.

Good thing....

Hubby made it, she started making pushing noises. Midwife arrived when baby's head was out.

Upshot is- Jaymin was born and placenta was out by 8am.

I hate her. Just. Not. Fair. And I've told her this numerous times, cuz I'm just that much of a brat. She sticks her tongue out at me every time.

Both were healthy and happy, although they had an adventure when Jaymin was two weeks old, which I'll rant about soon. And although I wished and hoped to be able to just watch and be a Nona, I also feel really blessed I got to catch both of my grandsons.

He's six months old now, turning from front to back and back again...fat and happy with little squishy biscuit feet. Quite cute, if I say so myself.

Jaymin would be the one inside the belly. The photo was taken by an old family friend, Govinda. Go check out her stuff here cuz she's good.

Support Your Local Midwife

Since I used to be one, I know what the life is like. And although a good midwife will never tell you what she goes through, I feel I have the right to do so to remind us all that everyone needs recognition from time to time. These women really do.

Midwives do what they do because they love it and are committed on a very deep level. It's a calling. It has to be because the life is so intense that there has to be some compelling reason to put yourself through all that you do to be of service to the families.

Imagine, if you will, the responsibility of knowing that lives are in your hands. That even if you do everything "right" that you have no control over the events of a birth and the "karma" (if you will) of a family. Since midwives, obviously, care about Life, to have something go "wrong" even when they know they've done their best, just about puts many a midwife over the edge. It's a huge stress. That stress NEVER goes away.

If they live in a state that prosecutes midwives for doing home deliveries, a midwife also has this added stress constantly in the back of her mind. She knows that as well meaning as the families are, unless they are pregnant or planning to become so soon, homebirth becomes less important a political issue to devote time to. People get busy with their families. For the most part, she will be alone in her battles.

Midwives are on call 24/7 (unless they have partners....which they need to stay sane, but don't always have that luxury). They can never count on simple things such as a night's sleep, being with their families at Christmas, birthdays, special times. If their kid is sick, they may miss this. If their kid is in a school play,they miss it. Basically, when a mother is a midwife, all the other families have to become more important than hers. When a mother is a midwife, her whole family is involved in birthing whether they want it or not. This is stressful for her family. When she's home she needs to focus on them.

Because midwives have a closer, more caring practice, families sometimes forget boundaries and a midwife's personal time. I used to get frivolous calls at all times of the day and night. For instance, someone once called me at 5:30 am after I had been up all night at a birth to ask me what time the Natural Food Store opened. I suggested she call them as I had no idea. I knew she meant well in all she intended, but I think it prudent to mention to the general public that if you have forty to fifty (or more) families under your care, that each needs to be cognizant of the fact that a midwive needs space to recharge her batteries so she has energy to give. Please think before you call.

A touchy subject: ...but please....pay your midwife the fee you agreed to. She puts in copious hours for you, puts her heart and soul into taking care of you, your child and your birth. It's expensive buying equipment, expensive for her to find good childcare for her kids when you have a birth. She probably charges a fraction of what any OB would, and puts in many more hours. She feels blessed to have been invited to your birth, but is invited because she brings skills and experience that you need. She needs the security of having her personal bills covered so that her energy doesn't have to focus there. We no longer live in a society where the village took care of its healers....she needs money to do that...and until your good intentions can pay her rent, please...just pay her in a timely fashion so she doesn't have to stress about it.

Finally...do not see her as God. You are the Goddess giving birth. She does not deliver your baby...you deliver your baby. She is coming to assist you because she believes in you and your ability to give birth normally and naturally. She is there because at this point in her life, she can think of no better place to be, has nothing she feels is more important than babies being born in emotionally and physically healthy ways. She will always do her best, but ultimately, this is your birth. Do NOT give your power away. Do not let go of responsibility over your body...she doesn't want it. She wants to empower YOU and your family. Let her do this. Please receive this--her greatest gift.

Image of woman giving birth from here

Squatting woman giving birth from here

Homebirth Twilight Zone

I was a midwife from 1980-1986. For anyone with bad math skills that's at least 25 years. The reason I say that is because I am reading homebirth blogs and I feel like I am in 1980 on one on the homebirth "debate."

Why are the issues that we dealt then with still the issues? What's happened? Or hasn't happened?

About midway through being a midwife, Vaginal Birth After Cesareans were just starting to be acceptable. By the time I stopped, there was hope. I thought they had become commonplace, but I now find out that it's WORSE than it was back then. WTF???

The same bloody arguments, which we all know aren't true, are still be used to justify taking away a woman's right to choose the attendant and location of her birth...or at least attempting to shame her as an unfit parent, murderer or abuser. One upside is that I think it's easier to find a midwife now. I know in California you can find a midwife licensed by the state and not have to fear about anything. When I did a search online, I found a number of states that I don't remember having legal lay midwives when I was practicing. So all that's good.

But it still sounds like all the same issues in hospital births that we railed against: constant monitors, having to lie down to give birth, increased intervention, increased C-Sections. It's depressing.

What I would like to suggest is this. I'm thinking that if the docs are still so concerned about homebirth safety issues, that they do all they can to HELP midwives and parents have a safe one. Then they can concentrate on the women who actually WANT their services and try to provide them with good care....not the waiting for hours at each pre-natal appointment...not the insensitive care that I am hearing women talk about. Quit intervening and causing more problems. Hey...I know it gets scary being responsible for a life and that it's easier to live with yourself thinking that you did all you could do. But goshdarnit, if you can't deal with the ups and downs of birth, get the hell out and quit interfering with my daughters' choices.

picture from here

Find out more about pregnancy and giving birth online. Learn about the signs and symptoms of pregnancy all the way the how to avoid or treat post-partum depression, even nutrition facts for expectant mothers and much more.

My Birth Stories

But not my birth pictures*.....

Starla's Birth

I was not in tune with my body at all. As I had been anorexic awhile in high school, I had a history of missed periods. So when I got pregnant with her, I was such a ditz, I didn't even think pregnancy a consideration. My breasts changed, my nipples were darker. But it wasn't until my sixth month when I got back from a hitchhiking trip with my husband and was lying in bed, put my hand on my belly and felt a big bump and said..hm...it's either a baby or I have cancer.

We got drunk the next afternoon when we got the positive pregnancy test back. I was a smoker and a drinker that pregnancy. My first question was "how the hell does one even BE pregnant in this country? (meaning what were the steps in getting a doctor, and all the basic life skills it involved). Like I said...not that connected....and I will now add not tremendously conscious.

It didn't seem like I was pregnant too long (well...because I wasn't conscious of it too long). The labor was short and intense. We had just gotten back from a road trip down south the night before. I was almost asleep when I felt pressure, jumped out of bed as my bag of waters popped. Five hours later she was born.

But only after and incredibly intense labor in the hospital. First time labors, from three centimeters dialation (when active labor generally sets in...10cm is called complete) until delivery, are on average about eight hours. I was three when I got into the hospital. It was so fast, no one even paid attention to me because they thought I was still in labor. They did give me an enema (yes....those were still done in '79) which really made it kick in.

I was puking with every contraction. Lovely. My husband was completely freaked out as we had only attended a couple of classes (we were "officially" early given the obstetrician assigned due date) and he felt lost with how intense it was. It got pretty funny when they realized I was complete and pushing when they thought I was still at 4 centimeters dialation.

As I had never seen a baby born before, when she came out all bluish pink and covered in goo, quiet, I remember thinking...oh....that's sad...she's dead. But she wasn't. She pinked right up. Three minutes after she was born, the doctor decided the placenta needed to be out, so he vigorously massaged my uterus. It was so forceful that tons of blood splashed all over him and the wall. After the birth, I shook violently.

When everything calmed down and we were alone, she looked into my eyes and we stared for a long time. I cried. This was a very old, very wise soul. I was in love. I will never forget that moment.

Morgan's Birth

I had been a midwife for a number of years. I was not smoking. We had kindasorta been talking about maybe having another kid but were still using birth control. One time we had protected sex and three days later I knew I was pregnant. I had quit smoking years before, didn't drink. I ate really well, took care of myself.

Four of my midwife friends were my attendants at my homebirth. The day I went into labor was a planned "take out a tree stump day," so that is where my husband's focus was. I had been having practice contractions for weeks. That day, I had a contraction that would catch my attention, then not have one for a half hour. Have two then have none forever. I felt like it was labor day, but was totally confused as to when that might be. I called my friends to let them

know to be ready, but wasn't ready for them to come over yet.

It went on like this until the afternoon. Then I was ready, even though I wasn't really having many contractions and they weren't very strong. I told everyone to come over. My friend and midwife partner, Jean, checked me...I was at 6cm. I told her "break the fucking bag." She did. I had about ten stronger contractions...still far apart. Then I puked. I had ten more contractions, puking a bit more each time. Then Morgan came quietly into the world. No crying. Nursed, happy, calm, sweet with her sister and father right there. I shook violently after the birth.

The midwives made us a meal, cleaned my house and left us a happy family.

Cassidy's Birth

I had always been in charge of birth control. Because I could always tell where I was in my cycle by my cervical mucous, part of my system was to not have sex when I was getting close to ovulating. One marginal mucous Saturday morning, Patrick wanted to fuck. I thought it unwise, but he persisted. I told him, fine but he had to wear a condom. It fell off.

I spent the whole weekend "talking" with her spirit. Finally, I told her that if she wanted to come in, I was ready to be her Mom. I felt myself ovulate the next day. I felt her enter me.

All during Cass' pregnancy, I kept thinking I didn't want any attendants at the birth. I wanted to do it alone, preferably in some field. I have no idea where these thoughts came from but they persisted. However...the day of her birth it was a zoo. We had the Starla and Morgan, my husband, four midwife friends, one extra trusted friend to be a care person to be there for a very young Morgan, and two extra midwives' kids. I spent most of the time in the bathroom or the bedroom, requiring the door to be shut. No one allowed in. It felt like my cave.

I had putsyputsy labor with her, too. But then I kicked into an active labor pattern for a few hours. I puked. I stayed in my hovel until the very end. I wanted it dark, required everyone to be quiet. I felt like an animal. Hers was the first birth I did on all fours. She came out with her arms wrapped close up on her chest so that when her shoulders cleared, her arms were out, embracing the world before the rest of her body came in between contractions. After the birth I shook violently.

She wouldn't open her eyes, though....kept them closed tightly. I asked for more privacy, but there was definitely was tons of noise in the house behind that door. Eventually we had to move into the living room for them to clean up the birthing bed. We stayed in a chair until everyone left. Starla, Morgan and Patrick were all asleep when the final midwife left. As the door clicked shut, Cass' eyes opened. And stayed open for quite some time looking into mine in the stillness of the night.

*Photo credits from top down

Pregnant Belly from Organic Baby Style

Hospital Bed from Istockphoto

Homebirth picture from Minnesota Families For Midwifery

Homebirth baby in hanging cloth scale from River and Mountain Women's Health

Mother and Child on Bed from BirthSpirit

My All Time Favorite Midwife Story

I was a lay midwife for about 6 years, doing homebirths. In that time I got to help close to 200 babies come into the world.

Midwives love to sit around and tell Birthing stories. We tell them because they touch us, they teach us, the make us laugh or they are truly unique with no catagory to place them in.

This one of those "unique" ones....

Three of us were there as the midwife team: Karen, Ella and me. The Mom, Carol, was a best friend of Karen’s. Karen was also good friends with the father’s parents, who were there at the house for the birth.

Carol was progressing well and she and Don, her husband, were alone in thier bedroom. We midwives were going in there every once in awhile to quietly check on things and take the baby’s heart tones (the way you make sure the baby is OK). We had just done our thing, all was going well and the three of us went into the living room to sit to give the parents some privacy.

The living room couch was on an angle, with a chair at one end, and a desk area behind it. Karen, Ella and I were sitting on the couch. Don’s Mom was in the chair, knitting, and his dad was reading the paper at the desk. My back was turned from the Grandma and Pa as I was at the end of the couch closest to them.

As the Grandparents were busy with themselves passing time, the three of us began to talk. I'm not too sure how we got on the subject, but Ella had just attended a midwife training workshop about emergencies and was talking about meconium.

A bit of background: Babies have this stuff in their bowel called meconium. It is very black and tarry. If the baby, at any time in the pregnancy is stressed at all, they will take a bit of a dump and let some of it out. Depending on the amount of stress and when the stress occurs, the amount in the amniotic fluid can be lots or very little and still formed or dispersed. Meconium is not automatically life threatening. It is always a concern. It becomes more of a concern the thicker it is because the baby’s lungs cannot inflate properly when the baby starts to breathe as the stickiness sticks to the tiny little lung passages. Not good, very very bad situation.

Meconium is much more common than you would think and in the vast majority of cases, problems can be avoided if the attendant does the right thing: the attendant has to suck as much of the meconium out as possible BEFORE the baby takes its first breath and gets all that stuff down in the lungs. The attendant does this when the baby’s head is out, but before the body is out, when the lungs are being naturally squeezed in the vagina with all the fluid coming out anyway. This happens between pushing contractions. The attendant always does tons of preventative suctioning with meconium, you do NOT mess with it.

At home, back then, we used a device that was restricted (we had to rely on friendly docs to get these for us) called a De Lee Mucous trap. This was a nifty little thing that had a compartment that trapped the baby’s mucous and meconium. There were two tubes leading into the trap. You put one in your mouth to provide suction, the other tube was inserted into the baby’s mouth and down the throat as far as you could safely go. You then suck and all the meconium is caught and left in the tube/trap.

Back to the story: There we are, three midwives sitting on the couch, Grandparents quietly doing their thing. I think that part of our comfort was that the grandparents had asked a few questions and we had talked back and forth, plus they were as close as a second family to Karen. Whatever it was we kind of forgot they were there.

Emma: So at this workshop, these women were talking about how if they didn’t have a De Lee that they were just using a catheter.

Me: You mean that they just stick the cath in the baby’s mouth, suck and …um…where does the mec go? In our MOUTHS???!!!???

Emma: Yeah…in fact, one of them said she only uses caths now..she says she feels like it gives her more control.

Karen and I are silent. I am not excited about the idea of that AT ALL. Of course I would not hesitate one nanosecond if there was no De Lee and meconium presented. I would actually do just about anything if there is an emergency. But...I would also make damn sure there was a DeLee ready, one next to it and plenty more in my bag as backup.

Karen: Well..I can see it.

Emma: Well, yeah...I mean at the workshop we began a discussion about it and talked about how it really is not all that different from swallowing come after giving head.

More silence as we think.

Me: Hadn’t thought of that one…but really...I would think that it would be much worse than swallowing come.

Karen: Ummm…Doesn’t everyone swallow come????

And then we proceeded discuss our views on swallowing versus not…. and what we do…. and how we do it for a few more minutes until…soft cough.

OOPS!!!!

Look of combined shock on three midwive’s faces as they remember Grandparents-to-be are in the room, now laughing hysterically. All of sudden it was time to take heart tones, get Carol some tea and make sure (again) that all the equipment was ready for the birth, just in case.

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Here is a beautiful pictoral diary of what a Homebirth looks and feels like all the way from going to a check up, early labor all the way through examining the placenta. It's beautiful and exactly what I experienced.

First item pictured is a Fetalscope. You put the ear pieces in your ear, the arched thing on your forehead, the other end on the mother's belly. You not only get the sound coming in your ears, but also from bone conduction through your forehead.

Me, The Midwife

Beautiful Image Courtesy of Miracle Mountain Images

Today is Saturday and I got to hang out with my oldest daughter, Starla and her son Kailyb. K was born on my birthday in my bed at home with me as the primary midwife.

Starla was born in the hospital. As she was my first child and a gift (not planned), I knew very little, in fact nothing about being pregnant. She was born after five hours of intense labor with no complications. But I cried intensely after she was born and the days after. Something just felt "wrong" about the whole thing.

I was in my radical feminist days so decided to be an agent of change and become a midwife. I went to school to be a nurse, then in my second year met the local lay midwives. They worked together in a cooperative fashion and had a number of apprentices. As I was so committed to birthing and wanted to devote all my time to it, they asked me to come on full time. When I looked at the politics of the day, I realised that I would never be able to practice homebirth as a Nurse-Midwife as it was impossible to find a doctor for backup. If you do homebirths without that in place, you can get your license revoked, possibly be arrested. I decided that to continue that path would be a waste of time, so I took quit school and them up on their offer.

I got to attend tons of births, learned lots, and when they stopped practicing eventually practiced as a primary. I loved the births, loved being with families in this time of major transitions. I miss that.

It takes a very special sort of person to maintain that lifestyle of constantly being on call, and never fully sleeping through a night, never being assured of a holiday or that I would be able to attend my child's birthday party. I look at women who were practicing when I was and who are still, twenty five years later, catching babies. They've assisted thousands of babies and families and quite frankly, that always blows me away. I admire them.

I came into birthing angry at medical intervention of birth. It still upsets me, but I understand why they doctors intervene. It's because they want to make sure in the every way they know how to try to make it safe. And while I don't agree with their methods, I completely understand their intent. Birth, as life, is an unpredictable event. It never follows a text book, you can never know where it will go. While so much can be avoided by not intervening, that line of then to do so and when not to takes tremendous Trust. And when you are responsible for a life, two lives, Trust can be quite daunting. I understand them now.

After six years of practicing it came to me that if something was to happen to either a baby or the mother I would feel responsible, no matter what I had done "right." It got quite scary to realise that I was a minor player in a family's Karma. And that by placing myself there in the middle of it, I was putting my children and family in jeopardy. I burned out.

But it's ever so amazing and is such an honor to see babies I helped be born now taller than me and having babies of their own. Now that's cool.