My Love For You Is Big

Last night at dinner I got to sit next to my grandson, Kailyb. We talked about lots of stuff- his toys, what he wants to do at pre-school, life in the eye of a three year old. At one point I looked at him and told him I loved him sooooo much...that my love for him was bigger than the sky. He looked at me and said "yup, Mom, too."

So I looked at my daughter, Starla and smiled, asking if she said that to him. She smiled back and said, "Yes, many times." It was one of those moments that are so sweet as parent, the times where you get to look into the eyes of your grown child and re-discover the things that your kids took to heart and incorporated in themselves. Where you get to know that you did, indeed, do something right.

Because this is what I used to tell her. Many times.

Now that I'm on the other side of the teens, I understand even more how important it is for kids to grow up knowing that somewhere someone loves them unconditionally. I knew it was my primary job when they were little, and I've seen it reinforced hundreds of times over the years. We, as humans need this. The only way we get it so that it becomes a part of our deepest beings is for it to be learned when we are very young.

So when they were young, I made it a point to tell them over and over again that I loved them bigger than the sky. That when they were at school, when they were playing, no matter where they were that if they were feeling bad, to just look up at the sky and remember me and that I loved them bigger, WAY bigger than that.

I guess it worked.

Welcome!

I’ve raised three wonderful daughters, ten years as a single parent. The youngest still lives with me but will be gone soon; the oldest has a son. I cannot wait to be alone again, and yet, they are the most important people in my life and I love talking to them every day.

I’ve lived a bit of an unorthodox life and have some fairly different ideas about parenting.

Most of them come from the belief that I trust my kids and believe in their ability to direct their lives. I believe one of the most important jobs as a parent is to let our kids know that they are loved unconditionally. The other most important job is to let them go—to get out of the way of their natural ability to be healthy and whole and self-directed.

Much of what I have done has shocked some of my friends. Yet at the same time, many of them tell me they see me as one of the best parents they know.

Do my daughters and I have perfect relationships? Far from it. We have our problems, our tweaks, our occasional fights. I am no “expert.” But I do have my opinions and experience of many years as a personal growth teacher of sorts that have contributed to my ideas about what contributes to the making of healthy people. I invite comments, questions, and discussion. For it is through hearing parents different than us and finding other ways that we can discover what works for us and our families.

It's my intention for this blog to ultimately be of service to families with children from babies to teens. I hope you will join me and others in this journey.