Family Dynamics
I suppose every family has their version of them. When Morgan was born, she and Starla got along well, or at least tolerably well. That is until Morgan woke up around age seven or so and stopped doing what Starla wanted her to. The antagonism between Morgan and Cass started when Cass was one day old. Morgan sweetly sat on the couch all propped so she would be able to safely hold Cass. The minute Cass hit Morgan's lap she started to scream. That's pretty much explains what it's been since then. Morgan bugs Cass.
It's so funny....if Morgan and Starla are together, everyone is fine. If Starla and Cass are together, everyone is fine. If all four of us are together, we immediately revert into this weird sort of charicature of our worst, most dysfunctional traits. What is THAT all about?
It helps that Morgan and Cass only see each other twice a year or so now. It can actually go a few days before they twitch out and we all start the pattern, which looks like this:
Morgan is Emotional DramaQueen, emoting and flipping out in contrast to
Cass as Miss Cool, Detached, Disgusted, Aloof, Brat
Starla is uninvolved "Oh, no, here we go again, can't you guys get it together?"
And I'm "Let's be butterflies and why can't we just be a happy family" sort of care-taker and trying to always soothe feathers.
On one outing (in which, I might add I was footing the bill for a very expensive family adventure) we stopped in the middle of it and talked about it. It helped a little in that the adventure wasn't totally dismal, but it was sad that we had to go into our archetypal dramas. Sigh.
I do really think the patterns is changing, if last Christmas is any indicator. Morgan and Cass did fight, but they never did it around me and they reported it in very even tones. They were able to get past it the two times they did fight, actually be at the same table for a friendly meal, without seething....or they did Oscar level performances and I didn't notice. No one ran into a bedroom, slamming the door. No one yelled at me for taking sides (because they both would accuse me of taking sides simultaneously, go figure.) I've even heard that Cass included Morgan as a friend on her MySpace page. So...who knows what the future will bring.
I heard this happened, I never believed it would here so now I am truly a believer in the power of patience and trusting that all will be well.
Beheaded sibling from here
Sparkly Rainbow from here
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10 comments:
OK another first here Pamm. I'll talk about family life. First off I wanted to mention that I was unsuccessful in finding the source for that great 'sitting birthing' group carving from the 'History for Kids' site cited below in the prior post. I think it's from the Middle Ages, but I can't be certain exactly where. (German?)
Ok family dynamics. Tricky. Sometimes fatal, always difficult to navigate at any age, even down through the years. Imagine if you will a family of combined 6 sons. Half will eventually become Docs, most are reasonably successful in one fashion or another. I had a rule. In no instance should more than 4 of them be present in any combination in any one venue. This works reasonably well still. Better yet is limiting it to 3 of the Bro's, that way you're sure to get a bit quieter reception if you're a spouse or GF or wanted some peace to encourage you to show up for next year's repast.
It's only recently that we've been able to get together for one night a year for the holidays, with 4 of the Bro's being present. And it was actually fairly pleasant. It took plenty of growth from many participants and years of strife & turmoil. I'm almost the oldest. I directed no one, tried to be loving & attentive to all, and gave gifts liberally. I think the last bit really helped in the end.
It always takes lots of patience, even more understanding & steady peaceful intent. This is sometimes hard to do when consistently baited by the family's colorful right wing contingent, particularly the one who collects machine guns readying himself for the coming 'race wars' that he knows are inevitable. (Yes, it's his home we meet at). So I admire each new gun acquisition, we debate the pro's & cons of each, and just how illegal this one or that one is. (Mostly not very, we're not talking Heavy MG's here). But the trump card was finally that I was living in the deepest darkest South, along with all these, yes really scary rednecks, and seemingly getting along just fine. And they were still in the Metro NYC region, which although changing greatly, is still less scary in their imaginations than actually living down South for as long as I have. And I can still tell them stories that'll curl their hair, and tell them honestly that since our recent move, no one's been shooting at the house lately. You just don't get much of that in suburbia unless you're Mafia, but that's another story.
Now a'int that just sweet? Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
(PS: I'm still trying to work out all the kids here).
It is, indeed...you have such a colorful life, VJ. I swear...tea some day. Or something else if you prefer. I would make the trip to be able to listen to you and look into your eyes to see the man who I find so interesting.
And/but..not sure what you mean by trying to figure out the kids here???
Thanks, that sounds nice Pamm. I don't get to travel as much as I'd like though. On the kids, I was just trying to keep straight their names here vs. their handles that you've used elsewhere in other venues. That's about it. Cheers, 'VJ'
Well, VJ..if you're ever in Northern Cal, I'd make every effort to meet you where you are.
Cass is the youngest
Morgan is the arteest
Starla is eldest with grandson
I like this post. Family dynamics. yah. The picture of the beheaded siblings doesn't show, at least on my screen but I went to the link and it's way cute. Perfect.
Thanks Pamm, All fairly unusual names. (I guess Morgan cycles in and out of popularity). But you know there's plenty of well, 'stuff on Cass. There's this gent, who is responsible for having a few counties & such named after him:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_Cass].
[I know he 'don't look like much']. But following along nicely, we come to Cass Co. MO, and this gem of a mighty Christian woman: Carry A. Nation: [http://www.casscountyhistoricalsociety.org/carry%20nation.pdf].
And yes, all her adult pics were taken with an axe in hand, why do you ask? Quite a gal Carry was. One of the most successful women of her times, really. That axe in hand marked her as a 'reformer' of the age too.
So where are we going with all this, you might ask? Well some say it was drink that drove her 'mad'. 'Tis true. But it was the kid(s) that might have done it too:
Results from scientific research catching up on common sense:
[Via the New Scientist]:
[http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn12043-having-children-alters-the-brain.html]
Cheers, 'VJ'
Sorry about all that Strum und drang, I now know that it's Cassidy for your youngest. But gee, you got a good (but irrelevant) story out of it! (And I'm supposed to be doing work too!) Cheers, 'VJ'
Hi, Adrienne...hm....I loved the pic as it seemed perfect. Sorry it doesn't show up on your screen. It does on multiple computers at my house so???? Anywho..yes...family dynamics. Nightmares sometimes.
Hey VJ-Couldn't get the casscounty page to open...??...sounds like you were looking for a distraction from work? Hehehe...
Anyway...Starla's name came from a family of five girls I knew growing up who all had names that began with "S" and none of them were the simple, regular S names. Sydney, Stacy, Starla, etc. I loved that name since I knew them in 3rd grade, so named my daughter that. Then a nurse at the hospital loved it and named her kid that...and then I started hearing it around here lots. It's funny to me.
Here's the better Wiki entry on MO. Cass county's most famous resident:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carry_A_Nation]
Quite a gal she was. Always with the hatchet too. Cheers, 'VJ'
My...she certainly was committed to her cause!!! Thanks for the link, VJ.
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