Migraines And The Magic Man

Since my teens, I've always been intrigued with alternative holistic healthcare. I got trained as a massage therapist at age 19, took herbs, became a vegetarian. I started studying midwifery at age 23 and learned about all sorts of alternative modalities. I will use an allopath, and think they are vital for things such as broken bones, infections, emergency treatments. But for day to day stuff, cumulative prophylactic stuff, I avoid them.

My kids hardly ever went to allopathic doctors growing up. Because I was new at being a parent and didn't know any better, my oldest daughter started to get the routine physicals, but that didn't last long. My younger two kids didn't even see MD's except if I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Or if I deemed they needed a perscription. They never had antibiotics until they were in their teens. If they got colds, it was herbs, and remedies. They lived. If my kids had something I couldn't figure out how to treat or if I wanted help, I took them to acupuncturists, chiropractors and naturopaths.

Cass, my youngest, however, developed a bad allergy to dairy. She also started to get really bad headaches. As I had no reference for them, and one was particularly strong, I got scared about an aneurysm or tumor so took her into a MD. She got all sorts of tests and had an MRI to rule out my concerns. They convinced me to put her on antibiotics to clear her sinuses (that had been plugged beyondbeyond from the allergy). But the headaches persisted intermittently through early high school.

I had been going to a chiropractor who practices by using Applied Kinesiology. He not only muscle tests the organs, joints, ligaments, muscles and bones to see what's involved in a particular complaint, but then also tests to find out exactly HOW it's out of whack. The adjustments vary depending on what's wrong. For instance, instead of just adjusting C4 the same way all the time, he would change the maneuver depending on if it was out to the right, the left, pushed in, sticking out, etc.

Whereas other chiropractors will take months of adjusments with varying degress of success in treatment, I only have to go to him a few times and I'm fixed. Once I did a major rib/spine thing while boating but couldn't get to him for months after. After I finally limped in, I was completely healed within about five sessions, free of pain after the first.

He is a Magic Man.

So I decided to take Cass to him for the headaches. He muscle tested this and that, did a few things here and there, then announced that it was her ileocecal valve (the valve between the small and large intestines) that needed adjustment. He did it. She had no more headaches.

I'm telling you this man is magic.

So...time rolls on. It's now five or so years later. Cass would have a headache from time to time that incapacitated her, making her vomit and putting her out of commission for awhile. But they were few and far between. Then about eight months ago, they increased in frequency. Then about March, they increased to the point of about once every two weeks. I kinda spaced the Magic Man. Then by May, it was every four days or so. I finally remembered.

About three weeks ago, I sent her to Magic Man. She went for one session and got the ileocecal valve and some stuff in her neck adjusted. Then a week later, she went for a followup so he was sure it had stuck. She hasn't had an inkling of a headache since then.

I'll say it one more time: this man is magic.

I appreciate allopathy, but not for stuff like this. If I was to tell an allopathic physician that a man adjusted my daughter's ileocecal valve to fix a migraine, he would have laughed at the hocus pocus voodoo beliefs I have. There is a good chance it would be ignored and shrugged off as anecdotally insignificant. It may be, but I find it very interesting that it worked twice in her life. I also find it interesting that in both the Chinese and Aryuvedic systems of healing, when a headache presents, they work on the digestive system for treatment. And...Cass also reports that the first sign of her headaches is a stomach ache. When she gets them she knows to not eat because she will just end up throwing up.

Why isn't this significant to allopathy? Watching her when she's in the middle of one of those headaches and hearing the way migraines affect lives, I can't believe that someone wouldn't at least try to find an Applied Kinesiology practitioner who could help them for so little money and time investment.

Wikipedia says it's a "pseudoscience," and says that chiropractors are not supposed to offer Applied Kinesiology. I hate that stuff. It amuses me no end that I watch TV and see endless commercials of drugs that have deadly side effects, but try and do something that is not harmful at all and everyone's up in arms. Because of this attitude, I will continue to use allopaths for things mentioned above. I'm glad they're around for what they're good for. In fact, they were crucial to saving my middle daughter's life because of an emergency she was in. But if I or anyone who asks my opinion, has a problem that's not of an acute nature or needs one of their prescriptions, I will continue to avoid the allopathic medical community like the plague.

Images:

Migraine from here

Muscle Testing from here

So Sad

A man I used to date called last night. He and I had a very short relationship about 10 years ago. We didn't stay together nearly as long as his kids and I did.

When we met, I felt a connection one of his older daughters. She ended up pregnant and in an unhappy relationship. Her apartment wasn't that far from my home. As she was miserable, I invited her and her baby to live with me. They stayed for about six months. Then her younger sister started hanging out lots at our house, befriending my youngest daughter, even though they were a few years apart. She ended up spending lots of time with us, too, although never fully moving in. Both girls ended up ultimately using me, but, truth is, I knew this was a possibility before taking them into my family and heart. People who have no inner structure have nothing to share outside them.

One of the reasons I tried to be there for the kids was because I could see they were all lost souls due to really sad, neglectful parenting on both parents' parts. The Dad is an alcoholic, the Mom an ex drug addict and now born again Christian. Neither had the skills to parent or give the message to their kids that they were unconditionally loved.

The man and I hadn't talked in over a year so we had lots of catching up to do. My kids are doing great- all are happy and on their way. None of his are thriving, only one will have much of anything to do with him. The eldest that lived with me is probably doing the best in life, but won't talk to him. The son is not doing too well. Sad Dad's remark?: "well, Pamm, you sure did something right because you've always had great kids, they still want to talk to you and are doing well."

People say that to me lots. I have always deflected, truly believing that I can't take credit for how great they are, that all I did was get out of the way.

I do know this- Kids are tremendously forgiving. But they need to feel unconditionally loved. Not 24/7, but ultimately they have to be shown there is someone there to support them no matter what. Not only when they're little, but also in high school and when they're grown. Someone, somewhere on the planet has to have their back so they feel internally safe.

I feel so blessed mine have that. He was so very sad about what he has unconsciously created. I would hate to have to live with myself in that way. Tragic. I talk about this lots because it's so very very important, the key, I think, to growing healthy kids.

image from here

Deliver Us From Evil

It must be a sign of the times in Hollywood that I can't find too many good films to watch when I go to the video store. I end up getting odd documentaries on Religion and kids. The last one was about Jesus Camp, this round it was a film about the Roman Catholic Church pedophilia crisis. The film is called "Deliver Us From Evil."

I was raised a Catholic, went to Catholic school until fourth grade. Until the age if eight or so, I was sure I was going to be a nun. Although I left the Church in my teens, I have no animosity toward it. In fact, I appreciate that I grew up one as in the 60's it was the only religion in the Midwest that I knew of that had a highly developed ritual component and some recognition of the feminine in it.

Sexuality and Spirituality are the two topics I spend most of my mind pondering. Where and how the two interesect are my greatest areas of interest and academic study. My BA is in Religious Studies and I have lots of training in wholistic approaches to Sexuality. While the issue pushes my buttons, I also have a great deal of compassion for those who are sexually attracted to children. I understand that sexual fantasies can be violent, dark, and go places that society would deem deviant, bad, evil, etc. I also understand that most humans get these urges in one way or another. Feelings and thoughts are very difficult things to control. They come unbidden and oftentimes are unwanted. They can produce shame and guilt, sometimes torturing the individual as they try to find internal balance between the person they want to be and these dark thoughts.

We can't always control out thoughts. But we can control our actions. This is the line I wish to draw in this issue. It's not that I want priests to eternally burn in hell for their urges. I just want them to stop molesting children. And I want the Church to admit that they handled this incorrectly, to apologize to the people who's lives have been ruined by being abandoned by their Spiritual Teachers and the institution they support emotionally and financially.

I knew this was big, I had read articles here and there, been appalled, made my jokes about it, felt my anger, all that stuff. But it always hits home harder when you see the faces, hear their stories, listen to their cries of anguish at loosing trust in humanity and God. Things in particular that were new to me:

-The pope, when he was Cardinal Ratzinger was the highest official in charge of this issue. At the end of the day, he is responsible for the way the Church is treating the abused kids and their families. This is the peer the Cardinals chose to be the leader, the Line from St. Peter, the highest authority. The man who abandoned the most helpless of his "flock." And the crime was not only that of sexual predation, it's compounded by the role of the perpetrator. If a priest is the messenger and holder of the Faith here on Earth, holding a position of God to a child, this child then gets to try and heal, as best they can, that they were raped by God.

- That the Church strikes deals with the priests and financially supports them after they get out of jail. It works deals with DA's so that sentences are reduced, then when the offender is out of jail, takes no responsibility for the community that the felon is released into. The one priest showcased in the film, Oliver O' Grady, only spent seven years in prison, then was released into a community filled with children in Ireland. No authorities were notified of his conviction and prison stay. I found this appalling.

- That in California alone, there are over 650 of these cases being investigated and tried. Estimates are that only 20% of all victims report this form of abuse. One seminary had 10% of its graduating priests arrested as pedophiles. O'Grady is thought to have abused hundreds of children, some as young as under one year old. It's often difficult to guage what's going on inside someone just by their outward demeanor, especially when they are being filmed. But I sensed very little true remorse in the man....or even a real understanding of gravity of what he had done. There were times when they showed him writing letters of apology to the children. The majority of the letters were about him. His experience, where he was today, how he felt.

-Not only the children, but whole families were emotionally annhilated. Imagine a father's anguish, hearing that the priest who he and his wife had taken into their family, treated him as one of their own--a man of God in a Church he trusted. Then to find out that this trust had been so terribly violated by harming the person that they were sworn to protect. And then discover that the reason your daughter didn't tell you is because you said you would kill anyone who harmed her, and her friend told her that if someone kills someone they have to go to jail for life. I cannot imaging the pain.

I would imagine that there's really very little I can share here that is new on this. But I want to add my voice to others who wonder how it is that a church heirarchy that assigns itself the right to dictate the sex lives of literally millions of consenting adults, cannot tend to its employees/ representatives do behind closed doors. Things happen. I don't hear the abused people wanting anything more than an acknowledgement of what happened, help paying for their therapy, and, most important, the knowledge that practices and policies that allow this to continue will stop. I get that above all, they want to ensure that future children can be allowed to practice their faith and pray to their God safely and without the fear that they will be raped.

Pictures:

movie poster from here

Oliver O'Grady free to roam the streets in Ireland from here

Monsignor Cain, O'Grady, Cardinal Mahoney combined still from depositions from here .

In his deposition, Monsignor Cain said that one of the reasons that Grady was not more closely watched at first was because his first reported abuse was with a girl. That wasn't considered perverse enough to warrant action.

Family Eats

I became a vegetarian at age 17 then married a meat eater. I was also into holistic stuff when we got together, very tuned into nutrition and all that stuff from my midwifery. As the years went on, I got kind of obnoxious about the kids' diets. They hardly ever got sugar. They only had 100% real juice in their school lunchs, homemade fruit rolls made with honey for dessert, whole wheat bread only, carrot sticks. They ate real foods, pretty devoid of chemicals, additives, dyes and crap.

They didn't really complain (much) at first. I would feed them all sorts of complex vegetarian culinary masterpieces. I learned over time that kids prefer simple foods.

As time went on and they were increasingly introduced to the world outside our family, the arguments began. It got to the point that the only real tension we had was around sugar and junk food consumption. It occurred to me that I was setting up an unconscious pattern with food for them that had the potential to affect their lives. Good job, Mom. I decided it was time to stop.

One Saturday I took the plunge and got them donuts. Once they scraped their chins off the floor in astonishment, they were ecstatic. All donuts were devoured. Quickly.

I started to cook more meat for all of them and actually got pretty good at chicken dishes. It got weird having to always cook two meals- one for me and one for the rest of the family. It didn't take too long to figure out that we could all do the same side dishes, but then I would cook one protein for me, one more meat based for the rest of the crew for all to be happyhappy.

As time went on and I discovered and experimented with all the various theories of eating out there, it got confusing. I couldn't do the macrobiotic thing. Didn't appeal and I like raw fruit. Then there's the whole food combining thing. I followed this carefully as part of my weight loss when I shed 75 pounds. I discovered I have food allergies to wheat and corn. We learned about the blood type diet. Pretty soon it became a thing of...well....can't eat this food from this plan here, but it's supposed to be the thing that works over here. Too much work. And way beyond limiting. I mean...about the only thing left is salmon, kale and apples. And while those foods make up a large part of my diet today, I do want and like variety.

These days we can all sit down and all eat the same meal. I now eat fish. I've experimented with meat and am not into it. We all prefer whole foods, preferably organic. We all appreciate healthy eating. It simply tastes better. I'm sorry but a can of peaches does not taste like a tree ripened peach in season. Morgan and I avoid wheat, but aren''t completely neurotic about it (only slightly). All eat some sugar in moderation. We all shop at our local farmer's market for the bulk of our produce..not only for freshness, but the pricing can't be beat.

We're always so surprised that people think junk food tastes better than healthy food. I don't get it. What I do know is that taste buds numb out. That if you feed yourself crap, taste buds get used to crap. But once you let the crap go, it tastes like crap. Occasionally when we travel we are subjected to bad food that others are happily devouring. We all shiver. My kids eat hamburgers, they do go to fast food from time to time. But those times are few and far between and they immediately want real food after.

I'm happy that our culture is finally waking up to the importance of being conscious about what we put in our mouths. It's a pity that we had to get so morbidly obese and unhealthy to decide to start down that road, but better late than never.

In our case, yes I went a little overboard for awhile there and I think it important to be balanced now. Better to not instill a feeling of rebellion and lack so that bad eating becomes the statement for independence. What's always so fun to me is asking my three year old grandson what he wants to drink. Ninety percent of the time it's water, even when offered juice. He's always telling me water is his all time favorite. He pushed for it even back east when well meaning family who kept pushing because they couldn't believe he didn't want a soda. He just kept asking for water, no soda. In this day and age, I consider that a miracle.

I mean...wow...does't this just look better than packaged, unrecognizeable crap? I really don't get it why people think eating healthy=no taste.

Candy junkfood from here
Pizza, hamburgers, etc. from here
Stirfry from here
Real, healthy food from here

Family Dynamics

I suppose every family has their version of them. When Morgan was born, she and Starla got along well, or at least tolerably well. That is until Morgan woke up around age seven or so and stopped doing what Starla wanted her to. The antagonism between Morgan and Cass started when Cass was one day old. Morgan sweetly sat on the couch all propped so she would be able to safely hold Cass. The minute Cass hit Morgan's lap she started to scream. That's pretty much explains what it's been since then. Morgan bugs Cass.

It's so funny....if Morgan and Starla are together, everyone is fine. If Starla and Cass are together, everyone is fine. If all four of us are together, we immediately revert into this weird sort of charicature of our worst, most dysfunctional traits. What is THAT all about?

It helps that Morgan and Cass only see each other twice a year or so now. It can actually go a few days before they twitch out and we all start the pattern, which looks like this:

Morgan is Emotional DramaQueen, emoting and flipping out in contrast to

Cass as Miss Cool, Detached, Disgusted, Aloof, Brat

Starla is uninvolved "Oh, no, here we go again, can't you guys get it together?"

And I'm "Let's be butterflies and why can't we just be a happy family" sort of care-taker and trying to always soothe feathers.

On one outing (in which, I might add I was footing the bill for a very expensive family adventure) we stopped in the middle of it and talked about it. It helped a little in that the adventure wasn't totally dismal, but it was sad that we had to go into our archetypal dramas. Sigh.

I do really think the patterns is changing, if last Christmas is any indicator. Morgan and Cass did fight, but they never did it around me and they reported it in very even tones. They were able to get past it the two times they did fight, actually be at the same table for a friendly meal, without seething....or they did Oscar level performances and I didn't notice. No one ran into a bedroom, slamming the door. No one yelled at me for taking sides (because they both would accuse me of taking sides simultaneously, go figure.) I've even heard that Cass included Morgan as a friend on her MySpace page. So...who knows what the future will bring.

I heard this happened, I never believed it would here so now I am truly a believer in the power of patience and trusting that all will be well.

Beheaded sibling from here
Sparkly Rainbow from here

Commercial Breaktime!!

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Support Your Local Midwife

Since I used to be one, I know what the life is like. And although a good midwife will never tell you what she goes through, I feel I have the right to do so to remind us all that everyone needs recognition from time to time. These women really do.

Midwives do what they do because they love it and are committed on a very deep level. It's a calling. It has to be because the life is so intense that there has to be some compelling reason to put yourself through all that you do to be of service to the families.

Imagine, if you will, the responsibility of knowing that lives are in your hands. That even if you do everything "right" that you have no control over the events of a birth and the "karma" (if you will) of a family. Since midwives, obviously, care about Life, to have something go "wrong" even when they know they've done their best, just about puts many a midwife over the edge. It's a huge stress. That stress NEVER goes away.

If they live in a state that prosecutes midwives for doing home deliveries, a midwife also has this added stress constantly in the back of her mind. She knows that as well meaning as the families are, unless they are pregnant or planning to become so soon, homebirth becomes less important a political issue to devote time to. People get busy with their families. For the most part, she will be alone in her battles.

Midwives are on call 24/7 (unless they have partners....which they need to stay sane, but don't always have that luxury). They can never count on simple things such as a night's sleep, being with their families at Christmas, birthdays, special times. If their kid is sick, they may miss this. If their kid is in a school play,they miss it. Basically, when a mother is a midwife, all the other families have to become more important than hers. When a mother is a midwife, her whole family is involved in birthing whether they want it or not. This is stressful for her family. When she's home she needs to focus on them.

Because midwives have a closer, more caring practice, families sometimes forget boundaries and a midwife's personal time. I used to get frivolous calls at all times of the day and night. For instance, someone once called me at 5:30 am after I had been up all night at a birth to ask me what time the Natural Food Store opened. I suggested she call them as I had no idea. I knew she meant well in all she intended, but I think it prudent to mention to the general public that if you have forty to fifty (or more) families under your care, that each needs to be cognizant of the fact that a midwive needs space to recharge her batteries so she has energy to give. Please think before you call.

A touchy subject: ...but please....pay your midwife the fee you agreed to. She puts in copious hours for you, puts her heart and soul into taking care of you, your child and your birth. It's expensive buying equipment, expensive for her to find good childcare for her kids when you have a birth. She probably charges a fraction of what any OB would, and puts in many more hours. She feels blessed to have been invited to your birth, but is invited because she brings skills and experience that you need. She needs the security of having her personal bills covered so that her energy doesn't have to focus there. We no longer live in a society where the village took care of its healers....she needs money to do that...and until your good intentions can pay her rent, please...just pay her in a timely fashion so she doesn't have to stress about it.

Finally...do not see her as God. You are the Goddess giving birth. She does not deliver your baby...you deliver your baby. She is coming to assist you because she believes in you and your ability to give birth normally and naturally. She is there because at this point in her life, she can think of no better place to be, has nothing she feels is more important than babies being born in emotionally and physically healthy ways. She will always do her best, but ultimately, this is your birth. Do NOT give your power away. Do not let go of responsibility over your body...she doesn't want it. She wants to empower YOU and your family. Let her do this. Please receive this--her greatest gift.

Image of woman giving birth from here

Squatting woman giving birth from here

Don't You Love It When

....the daughter who, three years ago, was telling you she is entitled to:

A cell phone with unlimited texting and minutes

A computer with scanner/copier and all the CD's she wants to burn

An MP3 player

A car of her choice

All the clothes she wants

...is now a politically active, culturally aware almost twenty year old who is paring down to live a simple life? No more car. Simple cell phone plan. Buys organic. Reads politically leftist subversive books. Takes a stand on gender, peace, cultural, racist issues.

Wow.

Trust me, if this conversion can happen anything is possible. Just another miracle we get to observe as we watch them transform and transmute.

Rainbow picture taken from here

Angel from here

Who's In Control??

I know that we, as parents, have to assume a position of authority. Our kids like to have the security of feeling that someone is in control. I have been blessed with kids who had their moments of challenge, but none of my kids has never gone off the deep end. None of them got so unruly or disrespectful that they got lost and out of control.

The experts might look at this and say that it was because of the way I disciplined them. Could be. I have my opinions about how to get kids to the point where they listen, especially when young (talked about here). It could be that by raising them the way I did, that they learned how to behave, got a sense of themselves, and didn't act out too much. But those same "experts" wouldn't agree with my parenting style...in fact the way I parented was quite contrary to most of what they suggest to parents to avoid the behavior they are trying to prevent.

After watching lots of kids and parents, I do notice certain styles that tend to result in more beneficial parent/kid relationships. But in the end, I have to say, that nothing that I've seen predetermines where a kid will end up. After watching kids and how their parents handled them, I discovered a secret. Now...even though I figured this out pretty early on, I never let on to my kids until they were much older. Why crack the illusion and make things harder for everyone? I think it vital to continue the status quo mindset.

SSSsssssssh.....be sure not to tell them...but....it's really the kids that are in control.

Why do I say that? Because we, as parents, can decide to punish. We can have time outs, spankings, talkings to, groundings, taking away priveleges, the whole thing. But if the kid doesn't decide to obey, doesn't decide that the consequences are enough to stop what they're going, it means nada. Ask any parent who's kid is out of control.

Scary isn't it?

Image from here

This post was featured in the Carnival Of Family Life

Scariest Movie I've Ever Seen

If done tastefully and with some sort of deeper thinking involved, I love a good scary movie from time to time. "Jurassic Park" made me think about science. "28 Days Later" was an amazing film. I love the old Hitchcock thrillers.

This movie, however, was, by far, the most frightening movie I have ever seen.

I fancy myself an extremely respectful person in regards to people's choices about their religion and spiritual paths. In fact, spirituality is such an important subject to me that I got my BA in Religious Studies. Even though none of these are my personal spiritual path, I have respect for Muslims, Pagans, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Voudoins, Wiccans. My basic motto with religious choice is: "The flowers on the petal are many, but the flower is one."

From the movie's homepage:

"A growing number of Evangelical Christians believe there is a revival underway in America that requires Christian youth to assume leadership roles in advocating the cause of their religious movement.

"Jesus Camp" follows a group of young children to Pastor Becky Fischer's "Kids on Fire Summer Camp," where kids are taught to become dedicated Christian soldiers in God's army and are schooled in how to take back America for Christ. The film is a first-ever look into an intense training that recruits born again Christian children to become an active part of America's political future."

Although I couldn't find a picture of it, the first thing that froze me in my seat, took my breath away was the opening scene. It was of a "recruiting" introductory workshop. The scene was of a bunch of kids dressed like an army, twirling these baton things and marching/dancing to a song for Jesus.

The second huge red flag went up when Becky said something to the effect of: "Look at the Muslims. They train their kids starting when they are really small to be willing to die for Allah. I want to create kids that are willing to die for Jesus."

Becky is very clear about and honest with her intent to brainwash these kids. She uses tried and true, "scientifically proven" techniques to do so, taking them step by step to her cause. She justifies it by saying that all kids are brainwashed and why shouldn't she (with the god's and the parent's consent, of course) brainwash them this way?

Third terror alert (code red) amidst many mini previous ones as we followed a number of kids home then to camp? When the kids finally get there, their first session reminded me of watching footing from Hitler's Germany. The whole thing (or what was presented on film, anyway) was to instill in the kids how "bad" they are, how sinful. Kids..little kids were crying, sobbing in shame, many of them with their heads in their arms, not willing to be seen. Yup, break their psyches down with pain and shame, then give them a way out through you. I kept wondering if Becky trained by the CIA. She's that good at what she does.

These kids are committed. They feel they are messengers for God, here to spread his word, given a mandate because God brought them George Bush and it's time for them to step up to the plate and do "their part." I laughed at one scene. One young girl, who kind of struck me as a bit unbalanced, tried to convert someone at a bowling alley. The woman actually listened to her. I would have politely told her that I was not interested as I always do with any sales person. Just because it's a kid doesn't mean I have to reinforce rude behavior trying to sell me something so personal and which I neither asked for nor want. I don't accept phone solicitations or door to door sales people...so why would I listen?

Throughout the whole thing, I kept wondering what would happen if the Christian right found out about a camp for Gay kids. I wondered what would happen to a Pagan kid camp. Would they stand outside the camp and try to shut it down? Would they file complaints?

On their way back home after their training, they got to stop at one of their personal Christian rock star's church. It was, obviously, filmed before Mr. Haggard's publicity "challenge."

Let me state catagorically that I feel terribly for the man. We all learn our lessons in life and I feel incredibly sorry for anyone that has to have that level of hypocrisy shoved in their faces and go through the anguish I can imagine he went through. For me, though, their adventure with him was such a metaphor for all that I heard throughout the film: God gave us GW Bush; there is no such thing as Global Warming..it's just a plot by the liberals to shift the issue off abortion; there is no such thing as evolution; the Bible is THE word of God (like he dictated it directly to the printing house). I can find no truth in any of those statements or in what Ted Haggard projected himself to be. It's utterly fascinating to me to try and understand why people hold onto things that from my perspective are so clearly untrue....and that they hold so tenaciously, struggle and grasp, even when faced with that which they have been clinging to has been proven false.
Ecstatic spiritual experience is an amazing feeling. I know. Kids are so open to all of those kinds of emotions, have very few walls once they have been convinced of the rightness of their cause. They have very little interference with past history and a possess a truly trusting nature. My observation has been that when kids are subjected to this kind of treatment when young, they do one of two things. They stay there or they start to wake up, take notice of a few of the hypocrisies, feel lied to and rebel. As I watched these kids, I was fascinated, wondering where they would be in ten or fifteen years.

I support the right to religious freedoms. But that doesn't mean I don't see some that frighten me and make me so happy to be who I am. One of the things that I really appreciated about the film is that they had other Christians critiquing this movement. Along side the story line of the camp, they had a critical Christian radio personality who was airing a show that they would go back to a number of times during the movie. Any critique that will be effective and heard needs to come from within Christianity itself. If not, it will only be dismissed.

Because, you see, they really won't listen to someone like me.

My God doesn't want or need an army, especially one of children.

He doesn't feel the need to shame and instill fear into little children so they follow him. He's more confident of himself than that.

My God's about Love.

Images from the movie taken from here , here, and here

You can read more of a synopsis of the movie here

again, the movie's website is here

read disucssion about the film at Indiewire.com

Carnivals

There are a couple of Carnivals I submitted to this last week and got published in...eeeahhhaaaa!!!....

The first is the Carnival of Family Life for which I submitted my article on Teens and Sex. It's being hosted by a wonderful woman named Janie over at Colloquium.

The other articles submitted are:

Jack Yoest of Yoest.com presents Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery.
Cory Aldrich of Marriage Actually presents Holiday Negotiations.
mom&dad of raising4boys.com present How Not to Coach a Kids’ Soccer Team.
Kerri of Play Library presents Dangerous Pool Toys.
Jordan of MamaBlogga presents Five Things Moms Do Right
Laura Young of Dragon Slayer's Guide to Life presents When Your Old Self and New Self are out of Sync: Social Drag.
Karen Flores of Karen Flores presents By the word of their testimony - More Read Alouds
Jenny-Up the Hill of Up the Hill Gang presents Up the Hill Gang: 10 Days.
Holly Schwendiman of Holly's Corner Blog presents We Made It!.
Silicon Valley Blogger of The Digerati Life presents Sounding Off On How Much Mom’s Job Should Pay.
Mama Duck of Lil Duck Duck presents Messy party ideas - part 3.
Kevin of More4Kids Parenting presents Parenting Tip of the Day: Avoid Punishing When Angry. Super Saver of My Wealth Builder presents Investing for Our Daughter.
Erica Douglas of LittleMummy.com presents Parenting: Micro-Management v. Complete Delegation.
Lill Hawkins of News from Hawkhill Acres presents Singing in My Sleep.
Sara of fiveberries in Texas presents On Potty Training.
Dana of Principled Discovery presents Homeschooling With a New Baby.
Sherrie McCarthy of Confessions of a Wandering Gypsy Princess presents Pumpkin Butt is Driving Me Crazy.
Dana of Southern Gal Goes North presents Unruly Children=Bad Parenting?.
Riley of All Rileyed Up presents The Latest in Hair Trends.
muse of me-ander presents Nice Day, Nice Pictures.
Therapy Doc at Everyone Needs Therapy presents Commencement.
Sara of Suburban Oblivion presents One of Those Real (Bad) Mom Days.
Whymommy of Toddler Planet presents A Peace-Loving Home.
Karen of Write from Karen presents Doing the Shuffle.
Csara of Baby Talkers presents Sharing.
Hueina Sue of Echoes of Cold Moon presents In Praise of Green Beans.
Christine of Everyday Disasters presents Physics and the School Play.
Shera of There's A Frog In My Soup . . . and other mixed blessings! presents Brother for Sale.
Julee of Homeschool Daze presents I'm Serious.
Chris Wondra of Chris Wondra.com presents What to do when your child is being teased.
Jennifer of Toddler Tactics presents Let the Battles Begin.
Mommy the Maid of Mommy the Maid presents Yesterday she turned two.
Summer of Wired for Noise presents Poop.Suzanne of Adventures in Daily Living presents Things I Need to Remember.
Kate of Babylune presents Unassisted Childbirth Considered More Normal.
Megan Bayliss of Imaginif. . . presents Saying No Takes Practice: Play Idea to Help Kids Say No. Kailani of An Island Life presents The Happiest Place on Earth?
Pamm of We Survived the Teens presents Teens and Sex.
Stephen Ward of Project Paradox presents Kids Say the Darnedest Things.
Vicky of Little Legends Blog presents At what age do you let your children go out on their own?Leisa of Down with the Kids presents A Humour Milestone?
Carol of Can't Holder Tongue presents Bathtub Advice.
Kristen of Love Shak, Baby presents Going Out To Eat With The Kids: Where Do You Go?
Arun of Arun is Bringing You . . . Your Daily Remedy presents The Art of Forgetting.
Michelle Sweeney of Tonic Gifts presents The meanest mother in the world.
Christine of Are We There Yet Mom? presents Summer Safety and the Unthinkable!
Nathania Johnson of The SEM Zone presents I'm a Proud SEO Mom.
Jonathan Pippenger of Growing Up with the Kids presents Dad Logic vs. Daughter Emotion: Round 1.
Madeleine Begun Kane of Mad Kane's Humor Blog presents No Sweat Divorce.
The Expatriate Chef of The Expatriate's Kitchen presents I Know She'll Like it — Someday.
Maureen of Trinity Prep School presents Peak Experience of the Week.
Ben Cotten of Ben's Soap Box presents My Apologies to Golden China for the Spider Monkeys.

I'm enjoying the discovery of new ideas and places to find a few laughs and encourage you to check all or some of them out!!

___________________________


The other was the Carnival of Observations On Life, hosted this time by Anja Merret at Chatting To My Generation.

I want to thank Anja for being kind and including me as I think I may have misunderstood the intent of this Carnival..I thought it was supposed to be on humorous stuff so sent in my posts about Moth Genocide....blush.

Brandon Peele presents An Open Letter to My Parents posted at GT.
Conan Stevens presents Stupid Things We Did As Beginner Bodybuilders posted at Tall Muscle Actor Blog.
Conan Stevens presents Kindergarten Child Arrested And Charged With Felony posted at Thinking About Life.
Conan Stevens presents Acting Is High Pay But Don?t Try To Live Like A Movie Star posted at Actors And Acting Informational Blog.
Allan Wallace presents Teachers and Students - Method Works For Some, Destroys Others posted at - The BFU Journal -documenting the creation of a new type of college.
Madeleine Begun Kane presents No Sweat Divorce posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.
Rickey Henderson presents Rickey’s Weekend Running Diary (Of Doom) posted at Riding with Rickey.
Kennubo presents Fat monster, a date with a cute girl and free lunch posted at Ken Nubo — Your daily source of rambling.
karl staib presents Perspectivism posted at Karl Staib.
Shamelle presents 6 ‘American Idol Ways’ To Enhance Your Blogging posted at Enhance Life.
Debra Moorhead presents What Gardening Has Taught Me About Life posted at Debra Moorhead.com.
Samir presents How to anti-crash a wedding in 5 easy steps - a case study posted at SamirBharadwaj.com.
Ellesse presents Inspirational Stories I : Wilma Rudolph, An Olympic Wonder posted at Goal Setting College.
Jeremy Reeves presents Being Weird Is a Good Thing posted at The Road To A Perfect Life.
Pamm presents The Thing About Organic Food Is….. posted at We Survived The Teens.
therapydoc presents Commencement posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Alvaro Fernandez presents Lifelong Learning and New Neurons in Adults posted at Brain Fitness.
Daniel Brenton presents Destiny’s Calling, and it’s Getting a Busy Signal posted at The Meaning of Existence (and all that): The Odd Little Universe of Daniel Brenton.
Ankesh Kothari presents Easy Trick to Achieve All Your Goals posted at How To Grow Your Blog Traffic.
Phil presents The Size of Money « Phil for Humanity posted at Phil for Humanity.

Telling The Kids About Drugs

Controversial topic, I know. Abuse of them can lead to all sorts of lifelong problems, throwing people into places that are very difficult to extricate themselves from.

All three of my girls experimented with drugs in their teens: alcohol, pot, LSD, crack or crank (don't remember which one), mushrooms. Probably ecstasy. I'm not sure, but I don't think they've done heroin or angel dust.

I am here to report they did not die, none of them does drugs regularly now. I don't get that any of them did as many drugs as I did when their age. Although Morgan did quite a few for awhile, none of them has become addicted to anything, all have experimented and are pretty done with them for the most part, barring occasional pot with two of them and some drinking from time to time as partying folk do. But even that has slowed down. As Morgan and I were saying one time...partying can be a cultural a rite of passage of sorts these days. It's "cute" to end up puking when you're 19. At 22 it's less attractive. By 28 eyebrows are raised. If you're 32 and still doing the sloppy drunk, you're a loser. By 40, it's just disgusting.

In our small community a group of us went through parenthood together, with kids as peers. Some kids went through these stages with a bit more struggle than others. I remember discussions with a few parents on the topic. Opinion was mixed as to how to handle things...whether to tell the kids about our personal involvement with drugs in our pasts (or present for some).

I stood, and continue to stand on the side of honesty--trusting that my kids are smart and want to be whole. I took drugs when I was young. Lots of pot, hash, LSD, mesacline, THC in pill form, tons of speed, cocaine once, angel dust once. Although I was mostly done with them by my early 20's, much of my sophmore through senior years were spent high on one drug or another. As time went on, I was starting to feel more and more nauseous when I smoked pot. After a previous seven year hiatus, the last time I smoked it was when I was 31. I got violently ill for days (I do everything backwards....most people smoke pot to stop nausea, I get it from smoking).

I told my kids my history because I think my words carry more weight than someone who has never had drugs. One of the reasons I was so open to so many drugs was due to my curious nature, and my need to rebel against the loving control my parents provided me. I didn't want my kids to feel that control and have that need to take back their lives in unhealthy ways. One of the things that really upset me was all the drug education they gave us in school. We were told that if we smoked pot, then we would automatically kill ourselves because it ALWAYS straightlined to heroin addiction. As a kid, this made me lose complete respect for the programs. I thought them stupid and bunk. My kids had the D.A.R.E program in school. A few years after one had the program, the officer who led it was arrested for drug use. What do we think this stuff does to kids? This officer and we are only human, I know, but to be hypocritical causes more problems than telling the truth. I knew drugs. I wan't unreasonable about them, I used them, I liked them, I didn't get addicted so no misleading horror story there. I saw them for what they were and rejected them.

What I told my kids, pretty much verbatum, is this:

There is a reason people take drugs. It's because they feel good. I'm not going to lie...they do feel really good and are really fun.

But they Lie. They are not real and they make you think everything inside you is OK but it's NOT OK. You loose the ability to function like a human being. Everyone around you can see you are out there, but you think you are functioning. This is the lie. I've watched people from my generation take tons of drugs and I can tell you from first hand observation, that the ones who took lots and continue to take them stop their emotional development and their ability to function well in society. All the ones I know who smoke pot every day are emotionally stuck back when they first started smoking. Do you want to be 40 years old with the emotional capacity of a 16 year old? There is a REASON I don't do drugs any more, even though they feel good. I don't because of this lie. Although I would prefer you don't do them, I figure you may take drugs to experiment. Again..not the best choice and one I hope you don't make, but you are going to have to learn to be responsible for yourself. But know this: if you go over the edge, I will be so in your face you won't know what hit you.

Many of the parents didn't like my approach, feeling like admitting the truth "gave permission" to take drugs. These same parents smoked when they were young, some still smoke. I look at their kids now. Many of the kids whose parents chose to lie to "protect"them are now pretty heavy drug users.

Feedback from my kids about feeling like my telling them my history gave them permission was mixed. None of them took it that I was giving them permission, but Cass said she could see that other kids might see it that way. I'm not sure what the answer is there and cannot begin to give "advice" to other parents. I'm happy to hear we are in a current trend of less drug use with teens. As trends tend to go in cycles, I'm not sure what the future holds.

I'm not sure how to bring a kid back from excess, not sure how they get there. I had a general parenting style of keeping a watchful eye, while pretty much putting my kids lives in their ball court. This style was consistent throughout their lives. I don't know how certain kids end up taking too many drugs and others don't. I don't know why my kids never ended up as material for a Jerry Springer show.

I wanted my girls to learn to police themselves because they have to do this their whole lives. This training has to start when they are young. No one can go from having their whole life controlled to being able to make decisions. We all have to go through trial and error periods. No adult functions if they are constantly looking to their parents (bosses, pundits, etc) to make all their moral decisions for them. The teen times are a time of learning what it is to be an adult. Sometimes in the learning we fall off the path to find our way back. If kids feel loved, respected, and have developed even a modicum of self esteem, they can go through periods that may look scary (and are to a parent) but then they come around once they have played out the curiosity. I can say with full certainty: if a child wants to experiment with drugs they will, no matter what a parent does or says. Yes, we can and do influence them, but in the end we cannot ultimately control them. It's not our life. It's theirs.

Informative Commercial Break-

If your child has an addiction they may require detox before they can become healthy again. If you suspect your child might be using drugs, look for some of the common signs like depression. Find out more about how to spot, and treat a drug addiction online.

Drugs from here

LSD Trip from here

South Park image from here

Eyeball image from here

Wizard of Oz as Hero's Journey from here

Carnival of Family Life

An article of mine was included at The Carnival of Family Life over at Be A Good Dad. There are tons of good posts and I'm sure you will find something to connect with in these posts. As I am fairly new to this genre of blogs here in Blogland, I am appreciating being introduced to some lovely writers. I have chosen to just cut and paste the whole carnival here for easy reference as I have seen other Carnivals do...enjoy!!!


Karen presents Appreciating Mothers, Not Just THE Day posted at Write From Karen.
Garret presents So I just joined Myspace posted at Need to Get Some.
Lori Radun, CEC presents Finding Peace in Letting Go posted at The Mom Coach.
Melitsa presents What?s in the bag? posted at Play-Activities.com.
Maureen presents Trinity Prep School - Name That Tude…. posted at Trinity Prep School.
Tricia presents You’re Not Fat, You’re Wonderful posted at Blogging Away Fat.
Erica Douglas presents Stop Trying To Be a Perfect Parent posted at Littlemummy.Com.
alfaking presents Born again posted at Alfa King Memories.
Michelle presents Oh Yea? So What Is YOUR Child Wearing? posted at scribbit.
Jenny-up the hill presents My Donkey Fell On the Road! posted at Up the Hill Gang.
TherapyDoc presents Going Home, Part One posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Plus6 presents HOW TO: Lower Your Pet Costs posted at Plus6 Personal Finance.
Linsey B. Knerl presents My First Post and Other Oddities posted at Facipiers and Stinky Toes.
Summer M presents Taking a breather posted at Mom Is Teaching.
Tushar presents Shopping at Costco…the frugal way !! posted at Life of a Resident Alien….
manicmama presents A Cure for Colic? posted at manicmama.
GP presents The Apple of My Eye posted at Fish Creek House - INNside Innkeeping.
Summer presents Are you sure they’re brothers? posted at Wired For Noise.
Sherry presents She has her own sense of style posted at Chaos Theory.
Karen presents Gorgeous Despair posted at Write Stuff.
Romie presents MLO stays up to be with daddy posted at Romie’s Rants.
Ian presents I Think We are Officially a Large Family posted at Musings From A Catholic Bookstore.
Jenny presents Tips for getting little hands to help posted at the so called me.
kristen presents DIY’ers get nailed posted at Shakhammer.
Super Saver presents Lessons From My Daughter - Have Fun posted at My Wealth Builder.
Garret presents “Puppy Love” - a different perspective posted at Need to Get Some.
Henry Cate presents We love Colonial Williamsburg posted at Why Homeschool.
Joey presents Say Goodbye posted at Hearts A Fire.
Jeremy Adam Smith presents Jackie and Jessica’s Story: The missing piece of the puzzle posted at Daddy Dialectic.
Karen Murphy presents adventures in three-year-old land posted at Lion and Magic Boy.
Shera R. presents Another Cute Post posted at A Journey With Twins.
Rocketman presents Call My People posted at The Rocketman’s Change For A Dollar.
MLO is daddy’s little girl posted at Romie’s Rants.
Lill Hawkins presents Daughter’s Day posted at News from Hawkhill Acres.
Terri Mauro presents Kids Who Can’t Swim, Parents Barely Afloat posted at About Parenting Special Needs.
Karen Shanley presents Must Sea TV posted at Karen Shanley: Author Mom with Dogs.
Jordan presents Five Things Moms Do Right posted at MamaBlogga.
Jennifer presents Help Me Rhonda … Get Him Off of My Leg posted at Parenting Toddlers.
Stacie presents Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics posted at The Twinkies.
Kailani presents Conquering Your Fears posted at An Island Life.
Megan Bayliss presents Melt and Mould Soap Making posted at Home Schooling Aspergers..
Jenny presents I missed Mother’s Day posted at the so called me.
Pamm presents More Letting Go….. posted at We Survived The Teens.
sara presents poop stories posted at fiveberries in texas.
therapydoc presents Courage posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Shamelle presents Are We There Yet? posted at Enhance Life.
Erica Douglas presents Remember Your Purpose Outside of Parenting posted at LittleMummy.Com.
Melitsa presents Play activity: How does your garden grow? posted at Play-Activities.com.
Tracee Sioux presents The Voice in My Head posted at So Sioux Me.
Kendra Dahlstrom presents Different Views on Natural Birth posted at vbacadventure.com.
Karen Lynch presents Meditation Rules posted at LivethePower.
Anna presents PARENTS GONE STUPID posted at On The Ponderosa.
Megan Bayliss presents Christine Aguilera Abused as a Child posted at Imaginif….
Hueina Su presents Journey into Love posted at Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul.
Craig Harper presents Gill’s Story posted at Motivational Speaker.
Eric presents How To Get Your Kids To Love Taking Medicine posted at Husbandhood.
Annette Berlin presents Free Toys For Older Kids posted at Frugal Journey.
supermom_in_ny presents Target, Bratz and the Number 11 posted at Snow White, 7 Dwarves and PDD.
almomento presents 10 Steps to Better Efficiency in Your Day to Day Life posted at BurstCreativity.
Donna Jean presents Costs of Summer: Work and Camp posted at The Weight of Money.
Sherry presents Making a mother posted at Chaos Theory.
Thad Guy presents Defense Against Toddlers posted at Thad Guy.
Colonel Cash presents Educating Kids for global competition posted at A Place For Dad’s.
Jonathan PIppenger presents A Little Bit of Forgiveness posted at Growing Up With The Kids.
Rachel Starr Thomson presents small ones posted at Inklings.
Lorri presents A Little Excitement posted at The Mac and Cheese Chronicles.
Cory Aldrich presents HIStory - Part I: “He’s Got Nice Hair” posted at marriageactually.com.
Kerri Aldrich presents A Fun Visit to the Dentist posted at Play Library.
Cade Krueger presents Moms, Family, and Our Purpose for Business posted at Make Money Business Opportunity @ Write To Right.
Brent Diggs presents The Ominous Comma » Progeny Pride posted at The Ominous Comma.
Stephanie presents $200 Toward Debt posted at Stop the Ride!.
Vicky presents Why do parents join online communities? posted at Little Legends Blog.
Leisa presents Dinosaurs looking down posted at downwiththekids.net.
Csara presents Realizing my baby isnt such a baby anymore posted at Baby Talkers.
ispf presents Money and Relatives posted at Grad Money Matters.
Dianne M. Buxton presents Buddha’s Birthday at The Gentle Barn posted at manifestingsuccess.
Fun Playdates presents Flower Jewelry Craft for Kids posted at Fun Play Dates.
Kevin presents Kids And Money - Have Your Child Earn It posted at More4kids Parenting.
mom & dad presents Fire Ants and Kids Don’t Mix (Plus, How to Treat Stings) posted at raising4boys.com.
WhyMommy presents Culture Shock. posted at Toddler Planet.
Mama Duck presents Messy party ideas part 2: Homemade slime posted at Lil Duck Duck.
:: Suzanne :: presents :: adventures in daily living ::: chores posted at :: adventures in daily living ::.
Next week’s Carnival of Family Life is going to be hosted at Colloquium.
You can submit your entries through the Blog Carnival’s website at this link.