Support Your Local Midwife

Since I used to be one, I know what the life is like. And although a good midwife will never tell you what she goes through, I feel I have the right to do so to remind us all that everyone needs recognition from time to time. These women really do.

Midwives do what they do because they love it and are committed on a very deep level. It's a calling. It has to be because the life is so intense that there has to be some compelling reason to put yourself through all that you do to be of service to the families.

Imagine, if you will, the responsibility of knowing that lives are in your hands. That even if you do everything "right" that you have no control over the events of a birth and the "karma" (if you will) of a family. Since midwives, obviously, care about Life, to have something go "wrong" even when they know they've done their best, just about puts many a midwife over the edge. It's a huge stress. That stress NEVER goes away.

If they live in a state that prosecutes midwives for doing home deliveries, a midwife also has this added stress constantly in the back of her mind. She knows that as well meaning as the families are, unless they are pregnant or planning to become so soon, homebirth becomes less important a political issue to devote time to. People get busy with their families. For the most part, she will be alone in her battles.

Midwives are on call 24/7 (unless they have partners....which they need to stay sane, but don't always have that luxury). They can never count on simple things such as a night's sleep, being with their families at Christmas, birthdays, special times. If their kid is sick, they may miss this. If their kid is in a school play,they miss it. Basically, when a mother is a midwife, all the other families have to become more important than hers. When a mother is a midwife, her whole family is involved in birthing whether they want it or not. This is stressful for her family. When she's home she needs to focus on them.

Because midwives have a closer, more caring practice, families sometimes forget boundaries and a midwife's personal time. I used to get frivolous calls at all times of the day and night. For instance, someone once called me at 5:30 am after I had been up all night at a birth to ask me what time the Natural Food Store opened. I suggested she call them as I had no idea. I knew she meant well in all she intended, but I think it prudent to mention to the general public that if you have forty to fifty (or more) families under your care, that each needs to be cognizant of the fact that a midwive needs space to recharge her batteries so she has energy to give. Please think before you call.

A touchy subject: ...but please....pay your midwife the fee you agreed to. She puts in copious hours for you, puts her heart and soul into taking care of you, your child and your birth. It's expensive buying equipment, expensive for her to find good childcare for her kids when you have a birth. She probably charges a fraction of what any OB would, and puts in many more hours. She feels blessed to have been invited to your birth, but is invited because she brings skills and experience that you need. She needs the security of having her personal bills covered so that her energy doesn't have to focus there. We no longer live in a society where the village took care of its healers....she needs money to do that...and until your good intentions can pay her rent, please...just pay her in a timely fashion so she doesn't have to stress about it.

Finally...do not see her as God. You are the Goddess giving birth. She does not deliver your baby...you deliver your baby. She is coming to assist you because she believes in you and your ability to give birth normally and naturally. She is there because at this point in her life, she can think of no better place to be, has nothing she feels is more important than babies being born in emotionally and physically healthy ways. She will always do her best, but ultimately, this is your birth. Do NOT give your power away. Do not let go of responsibility over your body...she doesn't want it. She wants to empower YOU and your family. Let her do this. Please receive this--her greatest gift.

Image of woman giving birth from here

Squatting woman giving birth from here